I am the most creepily productive person you know this weekend.

In the last three days, I have -

  • Practised violin every day, clocking in almost an hour in total. I have also composed my first violin bit that is not supremely simplistic. (I can’t play it yet on account of its being harder than I can manage now.)
  • Gone Diwali shopping. This takes hours, given the growing size of my family.
  • Gotten shit fixed at home (blinds, new light, hanging of painting)
  • Cleaned out my closet
  • Done research on new blogging platforms (Medium) and decided to stick with WordPress for my upcoming project.
  • Not slept in the afternoons at all.

I got home from my sister’s house right now, abandoned my plan to make a mug brownie, and planned instead to start on The Violin Project (more about this later), and understand and Caliber and start using it and make this post about how fucking productive I’ve been.

But then I realised that I can’t possibly do all of that in the new few hours and that I’m being absurdly hyper and I don’t know why. I’m jumpy and I’m buzzing and I’m bouncing off the walls. I think maybe it’s because I’ve been trying to play an upbeat tune all day. Maybe this is why I stick to gloomy instead.

I think all this excitement is creepy. The last time I went overboard and did too many things in too little time, I woke up shivering and feverish in the night. And, I already have a cold this weekend.

So, in the interest of behaving like a more balanced human being, I have made myself some camomile tea and I’m forcing myself to type this post up slowly.  Also, I will start  looking at Caliber today, but I don’t have to begin using it yet. And the Violin Project can wait till another day.

I’ll go now. Pack up my violin and watch Caliber demos and download some sitcoms for later tonight.

Tomorrow’s Monday. I should be depressed by now and it’s weird that I’m not. I’m going to go try rectify that.

Bye bye bye.

PS. I forgot to say – I also washed a stuffed dog and a duck.

The Joy Luck Club

I think about Bing, how I knew he was in danger, how I let it happen. I think about my marriage, how I had seen the signs, really I had. But I just let it happen. And I think how fate is shaped half by expectation, half by inattention. But somehow, when you lose something you love, faith takes over. You have to pay attention to what you lost. You have to undo the expectation.

- Amy Tan

Just so you know -

You take your laptop’s lid for granted.

Yes, you do. The lid and the hinges and the screen and the frame type thing on the front (it’s called a bezel, fyi) and the way it aligns neatly with the base when you close it. You take your laptop’s very ability to close for granted. You think it’s a straightforward, uncomplicated piece of machinery. A lid that drops neatly when you power off or sleep. You think it’s a given. A constant. An unchallengable.

Well.

You’re wrong. It’s not. And I’ve learnt this the hard way.

At some point in the past, I noticed that my laptop’s lid felt weird and sort of loose. I ignored it. Because you know, lid. Who gives a fuck. It kept getting looser. I kept opening it and shutting it with nary a thought. And then came the day when I couldn’t shut it right. Things creaked and crackled and the lid swelled up at the hinge every time I forced it shut. I freaked out, Zonk. I panicked. I became a ball of nerves. I wrapped my laptop in a clean sheet and placed it between two pillows* in a bag and rushed it to the service center. The diagnosis was grim.

My laptop needed new innards.

Outards, actually. I had to get a new bezel, top cover and hinges. And because my warranty has expired, I had to cough up 5000 bucks upfront. So I called my sister and she coughed up the money and I placed my order and waited for the new parts to arrive. And waited. And waited. And waited some more. It took ages to get them here. Probably because Dell support sucks once you’re out of warranty. But oh well.

In the meantime, I kept watching fucking Gilmore Girls for want of something better. And my lid kept getting weaker. Eventually, it died, and I had to shut my laptop for good.

Have you ever spent a long weekend without a computer, Zonk? Can you even imagine spending three? You probably can’t. And I hope you never have to. Because I did and it was ghastly. *shudders*

That’s all behind me now, though. The engineer finally arrived today, with parts and tools and surgical intent. He took stuff apart and then put it all together again and left me with a working laptop and a working lid and I have never been so grateful before.

Interestingly, my laptop stopped being able to shut around the same time that I stopped being able to move my head. The hinge and the disc seemed to have slipped at the same time. Perhaps we are connected in ways I cannot comprehend.

In any case, I’m just here to tell you – don’t take your laptop lid for granted. Or your neck.

Love always,
K.

PS: Really don’t take your neck for granted. A new one would be a lot costlier than 5000 bucks. And considerably rarer as well.

Labels

I’m in the bus right now, and when I look out I can see into the back of a car. There’s a small stuffed bear in this car, with all its parts labeled. Hand. Tummy. Ear.

Sleeping on my bed at home is a big floppy stuffed dog that I once got for my sister. Stitched into its side is an orange patch shaped like a bone, and on it, the word “dog”.

A lot of my nephew’s toys are like this. It reminds me of crayons in boxes. Simple and labeled and separate. And it makes me wonder why and at what point the labels disappear. I’m older now, and wiser, and I can name all the parts of a stuffed bear’s body. But I’d like some help with the rest of life. You know? It’s a strange and unfamiliar journey and I’d like some signposts along the way.
Glory Days. Heartbreak. Poverty Ahead. Bad Decision. Just Another Wednesday. And so on.

Where have all the labels gone? I want stickers pasted all over life with names and warnings and everything. I demand a massive signboard that proclaims, in large and friendly letters: Don’t Panic.

Things.

Dear Zonk,

This is another short post about things I need to tell you.

  1. MY ROOM IS FINALLY ALMOST DONE. Well. One piece of furniture remains to come in. And I need my new mirror. And plants. But apart from that it’s done. I’ve moved in now. Unpacked and put things away in the cupboards and made my bed and put up my brand new Hogwarts banner and so on. I’m really happy with the results, and everyone’s quite impressed et cetera, but I know now that I’ll never consider a career in interior design. It’s just too fucking stressful. I’ve fallen sick twice in the last two weeks and at least one of those times might have been stress. I like it, and it’s fun, but clearly I can’t deal with it. So I’ll stick to web design and t-shirts, thank you very much.
  2. I had a slipped disc thingy in my neck. Really minor but also really painful. Some space reduction between two vertebrae or something. This is the second time this has happened to me, and I’m only 25. So I better start being careful about my back and neck now. I plan to – work out more regularly, take 5 minute breaks every 25 minutes while working, not sit on my bed with my laptop for too long *ingores twinge of guilt and keeps typing* and do neck exercises on a regular basis even when my neck feels fine.
  3. I am going to become a person who cares about plants. I swear I really am. I can feel it in my bones.
  4. I can turn my head! As of today. My neck feels so much more normal. It still hurts, but it’s a friendly sort of ache. The kind that feels normal and is therefore almost a relief. Phew. I still have to wear my neck brace thing while commuting, but I think I can take it off otherwise.

That’s all, folks. Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don’t let the Monday bite.

Love always,
K.

Ps. Next weekend, I’ll put up a detailed renovation post with before-after pictures and so on. Please hold your breath. And please pay attention to the post when it comes. Because I’ve really given this my everything.

Updates

Dear Zonk,
This is a really short post about things I need to tell you.

One: my room is being painted as we speak. Finally. And its more stressful to redo stuff that I’d thought. Things are everywhere. I worry about putting them back.

Two: my neck is acting up again and its pretty bad and I have to wear a brace all the time that I’m not lying down. Therefore, I am lying down all that I can.

Three: I have no WiFi here in my sisters house. It sucks. And my phone bill is going to be through the roof.

Four: It’s a sad sort of day. I’m bored and I’m blue and I wish I had someone to talk to and the ability to move my head. Though I must say it moves more than it did yesterday.

That’s all for now. Bye bye.

Love always,
K.

When you want more than you have
You think you need
And when you think more than you want
Your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place
‘Cause when you have more than you think
You need more space.

- Eddie Vedder

Good Luck on Goodreads

Yesterday night, after I came here to tell you about The Good Luck Of Everything, I looked for the book on Goodreads and marked it as Read and rated it and even wrote a tiny review. And then, because I was still overwhelmed by the book and because the author – Matthew Quick – is on Goodreads, I messaged him to say the book was lovely and thank you.

A little bit later, I checked my email and found this:

image

An actual signed postcard from an actual author. Of a book I gave 5 stars to. That’s just amazing, Zonk, and its really, really sweet of Matthew Quick to do this. He doesn’t know it, but he made a bad day feel better.

Good things happen on the internet. This is probably the highlight of my week :)