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Dear Zonk, 

Today has been the most horrible day that’s struck us in a while.  

I hope that you’re healthy and moderately wealthy and passably happy right now. And if you are, then I hope that you’re grateful for it. 

Life is fleeting. 
Fuck. 

Love always,

K.

7 cups of tea

Dear Zonk,

I stayed up last night signing up on 7 cups of tea. That’s a community where people from around the world train to be active listeners and volunteer to chat with other people from all around the world who are down and need someone to talk to. It’s anonymous, and it’s not a replacement for therapy. But it’s something. 

So, I signed up and passed the test. I’m a Listener now. And I’m going to volunteer a few spare hours every week. 

I’m too squeamish and too chicken to volunteer with the physically sick, too busy or too lazy to find the time to go volunteer with kids as of now. (I will do that someday.) But I am okay at listening to people when they’re sad or scared or lonely. And this is flexible – all you need is an internet connection and an hour to spare every once in a while.

#MentalHealthOverEveryDamnThing

Love always,

K.

#justsaying

Dear Zonk,

I woke up feeling fried as fuck today, after my midday nap. Too much sleep does that to me sometimes. But then I did one grown up thing, and one silly, childish thing, and I’m a lot happier now.

No idea what we could make of this. But, there it is.

More about the childish thing tomorrow. Goodnight now.

Love always,
K.

Chin up.

Dear Zonk,

Things have been looking bleak this week. I’ve tried to put my finger on it and mostly, I’ve failed. Instead I’ve come to terms with the fact that things that sadden me tend to be vague. Which is a blessing, I’m well aware. First world problems are the best kind of problems to have. I’ll take the occasional blues over clinical depression any day, say. Or over terminal illness or crippling anxiety or poverty or living in times of war.

That said and blessings counted, things have been bleak. But I’ve decided that they’ll stop being bleak as of tomorrow. Tonight I’ll continue to clear space on my mac and hopefully, I’ll even get some work done. But tomorrow I get back to business. I pull up my socks. I roll up my sleeves. Tomorrow I go to the gym  (which I just joined, fyi) at 9a.m. sharp. I work on Sam’s Shopify store. I go pet dogs and cats and discuss Life, the Universe and Everything with C and Dayson. I stop eating all these chips and all this chocolate. It’s getting to be too much again, and worse, it seems to trigger a horrible hacking cough. I do 10 minutes of something nice everyday. I make the most of me.

I’ve got to stop letting the things inside my head stop me from getting to the best possible version of things outside my head. Maybe that sentence doesn’t make sense at all. But maybe you’ll get it anyway.

Love always,
K.

9 years, and an engagement.

Dear Zonk,

I got engaged yesterday. Officially. An actual ceremonial affair with 20-ish people in a lounge with a chunnar and tilaks and rings and everything. The rings were fucked up and have now been sent for repair. The lounge was nice. The people were lovely, and everyone had a nice time. And C and I blundered through the whole thing like the awkward, ungraceful, over-sized children that we are. We figured that we really aren’t built for this stuff. So we went to Hamley’s when it was done and bought ourselves things – I got a skinny monkey named Murphy who looks kind and sad and flops around, and C got a cheap looking tank to assemble and practice his painting on.

And then I came back home, and I thought of you.

Here’s something I realised right away –
I’ve been writing here for almost a decade now.

I was 19 when I started this blog – a skinny, whiny, morose little person who wanted to be a copywriter and played guitar for several hours at a time and drank copious amounts of DSP Black and Old Monk.

I’m 28 now. I’m not a copywriter. Not in the terrible advertising kind of way, that is. I no longer make drawings on Microsoft Paint. I’ve forgotten how to play several songs that I’d spent ages learning. I’ve gone from not-really-painting to painting for a living to painting once a year or so. I’ve been broke, then less-broke, then sort of rich – and I’ve still not managed to figure out where all of my money goes. I’ve taken up and abandoned several things – the violin, the Irish tin whistle, a bullet journal, a blog (which is not abandoned, no it’s not!) I’ve learned to stop panicking. I’ve become a decent designer – accidentally, perhaps. I’ve made a best friend on this blog. I’ve gained 10 kilos, at least.

I’ve won some, I’ve lost some. Not a bad 9 years, all in all.

But the point is, that for 9 years now, I’ve pretty much been talking nonstop. And some of you have been listening nonstop. That’s really something, Zonk. It really, really is.

If I invite you to my wedding, do you think you’d come? I really hope you do. Because you’re as much a part of my life as anyone can ever be. I’m glad I have you around.

Thank you for listening. 

Love always,
K.