I have a theory about friends and life and major life events.
Things happen in seasons. When you have a bunch of people you’re really close to, the graphs of your lives start to sync up. If someone in your circle starts out on a new relationship, chances are that someone else will be starting one too. That’s Hookup Season. A much more common phenomenon — sadly — is Breakup season. If one couple breaks up, brace yourselves and squint up your eyes. Someone else is gonna be going down soon. At least, that’s what I’ve seen in my own circles.
I’ve always believed this to be true about such things. But lately, a newer, fainter pattern has begun to emerge. I’ve begun to notice that it’s not just life events that happen in seasons — entire moods come in seasons too. We tend to be happy together, and sad together, and anxious together, and fuck-this-shit-I-quit together. Or maybe it’s only true this one time, and will never occur with such simultaneity again. But this is where we’re at right now. Right now our season is Blue.
Not a bittersweet, translucent blue, either. This one’s a heavy, stormy swirl of inky blackish-blue. The kind that drops down your throat and lodges itself in your gut and stains you from the inside out and makes it hard to get out of bed in the mornings.
I wish we could skip this part, Zonk. I wish we could fast forward too where we’re done dealing with whatever it is that’s sapping the strength out of us. I wish we could go to bed tonight and wake up in a timeline where everything’s all figured out and sorted and we’re the happiest versions of ourselves that we could be. But we can’t. I guess we just need to wait it out. A happier season will roll around soon.
But for now, I’m sorry all this shit is happening, Zonk. To you, you, you, you and you. That’s one ‘you’ for each one of you that’s dealing with more than they can handle tonight. And me, I’ll be the 6th ‘you’.
Oh well. We’ll be okay soon.
I feel it in my bones.
How about I don’t go to work tomorrow on account of I don’t want to get out of bed?
Today has been the most horrible day that’s struck us in a while.
I hope that you’re healthy and moderately wealthy and passably happy right now. And if you are, then I hope that you’re grateful for it.
Life is fleeting.
I stayed up last night signing up on 7 cups of tea. That’s a community where people from around the world train to be active listeners and volunteer to chat with other people from all around the world who are down and need someone to talk to. It’s anonymous, and it’s not a replacement for therapy. But it’s something.
So, I signed up and passed the test. I’m a Listener now. And I’m going to volunteer a few spare hours every week.
I’m too squeamish and too chicken to volunteer with the physically sick, too busy or too lazy to find the time to go volunteer with kids as of now. (I will do that someday.) But I am okay at listening to people when they’re sad or scared or lonely. And this is flexible – all you need is an internet connection and an hour to spare every once in a while.
I woke up feeling fried as fuck today, after my midday nap. Too much sleep does that to me sometimes. But then I did one grown up thing, and one silly, childish thing, and I’m a lot happier now.
No idea what we could make of this. But, there it is.
More about the childish thing tomorrow. Goodnight now.