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January One

Dear Zonk,

I actually came here to give you a Red Flags report, but it feels wrong to ignore the rest of the year on January One. So, here it is. A random and highly subjective evaluation of 2016.

  1. I failed at all my resolutions . In fact, I don’t think I even remember most of them. I spent an entire evening last Jan putting resolutions on an Excel sheet with Rahul. I got excited. I went overboard. We both did. Of course we failed! (Okay to be fair, I failed way worse than he did.)

    But here’s the thing: I think resolutions are nice. I’ll make some again this year. But I also think it’s unrealistic to expect to do too much. I’ll make a more detailed post about this later, but for the short term, I think my Red Flags fixes make for good resolutions. Unplug the internet. Go home on time. Do something that counts for 10 minutes everyday. Work out thrice a week. Eat more real food. Sleep more hours.

    Just this much is hard enough to do. And a little can go a long way.

  2. I moved from a tiny team to a not-so-tiny team. In terms of work, of course. And it’s nice enough, but it made me realise, again, that I fit best in tiny places.
  3. I finally finished The House Project. I can keep making it better, but I love every room of my house now. I love almost every object I’ve put in it. I love coming home at the end of every day. Fun fact: I stopped talking in my sleep once my bedroom was redone.
    Spaces affect us in more ways than we think.
  4. I did my first long trip, my first international trip, and my first real break from work in forever. And it changed everything, in so many fucking ways. I wish I could tell you more, Zonk, but now is not the time. I have a lot to figure out first!
  5. I said yes. This time next year, I’ll mostly be married. And I think it’ll be a pretty epic ever after. It’s surprising how quickly excitement replaces worry sometimes.
  6. I kind of figured what I want. In life. It’s a lot of work but at least I know what I’m working towards.
  7. I made no music. At all. I think the last song I wrote was written in 2015. I went a whole year without writing a single fucking song, Zonk. That’s alarming and horrible and I better fix this soon, before I turn into a person who can’t  write songs at all. Because let’s face it – my guitaring has always been mediocre, my voice has always sucked. Songwriting was my only real ability. I can’t let that die.

I hope I’m not leaving anything out. And I really hope I haven’t made too many typos in here, because I’m too sleepy to proofread and edit now.

I hope 2017 blows your mind, Zonk. I hope you completely kill it.

Love always,
K.

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Art, Design, Literature, Music, Unsorted

2015

Edit: All of these resolutions I have underway are only surviving because of my first resolution, which I forgot to mention. I am reading less this year.

Dear Zonk,

2015 is over two weeks old now, and I think it’s time I told you more about the many things I’ve decided to do this year and how I’ve fared so far. First, you should know that I’ve never before made so many serious resolutions. I suppose it had something to do with being young and dismissive and disrespectful of Time. Time sucks, you know. It fucking flies. You get years and years of being obscenely and undeniably Young. And then suddenly, before you know it, you’re making little tick marks in the “26 to 30” box in surveys and questionnaires. It’s alarming when that happens. Because, you know, you were in college so recently and you’re so used to being young and that whole aging thing wasn’t supposed to actually happen to you…

But it does. And it would have been nice to have gotten a head start on this whole Making The Most Of Life thing. But I pretty much threw away my early twenties being lax and lazy. So, here I am now. 26 and reeking of regret.

I’ve been brooding over this for over a year now: I’m not happy with where I’ve ended up a quarter of a century into this whole business of Being. And I figured I should stop whining and do something about it while I’m still a long way off from becoming a fossil. So, here goes. These are my resolutions.

  1. Become a healthier person. I’m an old lady. I have old lady bones that creak and click and muscles that strain too easily and a faulty neck and so on. I suspect this has something to do with the fact that my diet for the last 26 years has consisted mostly of starch and sugar and salt. Thin people take food for granted. I’m like that. I also don’t exercise enough, in spite of making serious attempts at sticking to a regular 7 minute workout schedule. So I plan to change that this year. I also really, really, really want a low resting pulse rate. But well. That’s a long way off.So far: Meh. I did a 2 week chip cleanse. That went badly, seeing as I’ve been stuffing my face full of chips ever since. I’ve not managed to do much working out. I’m trying to fix it. I really want to hit the 4 days a week mark soon. Well. I’ll keep trying.
  2. Figure out what I want to do. Because this is not it. There’s got to be something more. And there’s got to be time to hone all the skills I used to possess. I had potential in more than one area, you know. Maybe somewhere, some of it exists still. I need to figure out how to get to it.So far:  I’ve actually done okay here. I’ve been talking to lots of different people and thinking of possibilities. It’s all still kind of vague now. But I have all my fingers crossed. And if something works out, I’ll go get a haircut. Just saying.
  3. Make more music. So, I have no delusions about this. I am a decent songwriter. Sadly, I am also a mediocre guitarist and not much of a singer. I have a thin voice and a surplus of stomach butterflies and it makes me nervous to think of playing or singing around people. But, here’s the thing. I just did a rough count in my head right now and I have at least 9 songs of my own that I’m moderately proud of. 9 decent songs. That’s not bad, Zonk, if you think about it. And there’s more that I’ve left unfinished and so on.So my resolution this year is to make more music. Write more songs. Practice all three of my instruments. And, most importantly, record bearable versions of at least half of my 9 songs. You know, so I have something to show for it. I don’t want much more than that. I just want to be able to point to something and say – “Look. I made this.”

    So far: I’m actually quite proud. I jammed with new people on one song. I sort of finished recording another with C (I just need to add some violin parts to it, though we all know that could take months to accomplish). I practiced both guitar and ukulele a lot in the last week. I actually dusted off and tuned my violin this week. And I’m pretty excited about finishing the song. I’m seriously considering putting a WIP version up here. Who knows. Maybe I will.

  4. Bleak Person Chronicles. Sigh. This is the still-secret other blog I was supposed to have started last year. It exists. But it’s still not ready to be put out there. I have a lot of work to do with setting up and designing the theme and with you know, writing actual fucking posts. Like more than 2 a year, perhaps. Anyway. I’m sharing the link with you. And the password. Because, Zonk, you of all people deserve to know about any blog I’m trying to do. And also because maybe if I’m accountable to someone, I’ll do more about actually getting this off the ground. Here goes. Don’t share:
    Username: A Person
    Password: thisisasecret10

That’s all, and that’s already too much. I think if I manage to do well on at least half of this, I will be a happier person this year.

Goodbye, Zonk. And a Happy Saturday to you.

Love always,
K.

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Yesterday was epic.

Yesterday was Epic. Because there was Karaoke at work, and a photo booth at the New Year’s Eve costume party, and because, for once, every one had a costume. Also, I drank just the right amount and danced all through the party. It’s only the third time in my life that I’ve managed that, and it felt good.

I was Wednesday Friday Addams, and not to be immodest or anything, but I think my costume killed it.

Wednesday Friday Addams

Wednesday Friday Addams

It was a good start to the year. I hope the rest of the year is awesome too. For me and for you, both.

I hope you have a mind-blowing year, Zonk. I hope you do things you’ve been too lazy or lonely or afraid to do. I hope you get to work less and sleep and read and watch TV and make music more. (And I hope that that doesn’t come with any fiscal deficits.) I hope you are more happy than sad; and every time that you are sad, I hope you have someone to wallow with. Because I’ve had to wallow a lot this last year, and I know how important wallowing company can be*. And I hope you’re never bored. Because Time is finite and you are awesome and I’m not just saying that-

-I can feel it in my bones.

Love always,
K.

*That’s you: C, Rahul J, Troop, Niyati, Garreth. If ever you feel more neurotic than normal, I’ve got your back.
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Resolving things

I don’t usually make resolutions. I never manage to really keep them, for one, and I’ve never really thought much about what I ought to change about myself, for another. But I have been doing a bit of thinking lately and I’ve found a bunch of things about myself that I need to fix.

And so it is that I begin to make my resolutions. And list them.

  1. Eat more things. If you spend enough time with me, Zonk, you’ll begin to notice that I eat very few things. I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t like vegetables and I’ve been teetering on the brink of non-vegetarianism for a long time. I’ve decided that it’s time to start eating everything that falls into the first category or at least some of what falls in the latter. I’ve already started on this one, fyi. I went out for lunch yesterday and I did not order the first thing that I wanted to eat. I called for barbecued chicken pasta and I ate all of it. More importantly, I even actually liked it.
  2. Become a violinist. This one isn’t as fancy as it sounds, Zonk. I’m not saying that I want to turn into a maestro overnight and acquire a crazy but awesome career in chamber music or anything. I’m never going to be interested in that sort of thing. All I want is to practice enough to be able to jam decently by the end of the year. When people ask me if I play violin, I want to be able to simply say yes and leave it at that. I don’t want to tell them that I try my best, or that I’m learning. And I really don’t want to feel the need to precede everything with a thousand disclaimers. It’s a hard instrument to learn, I admit, but not impossible. I already understand strings somewhat. I just need to find the will to practice everyday. And I also need to figure out how to stop my shoulder from catching every time I try to play.
  3. DO things.  There’s people who do things. And then there’s people that things happen to. I am among those who let things happen to them. I go with the flow. I stay safe and I do what’s easy and I try my best to never venture out of my comfort zone. I never rock the boat. When things come along that I really want to do that not everybody will agree with, I’ll more often than not decide not to do them at all. I don’t do things my family won’t approve of. I don’t do things that will stress me out or slow me down or make me miss my bus. I don’t do things when I’m not sure how to go about them. Or where to begin or what questions to ask. Then again, I don’t ask questions at all. I google them instead. You see, I’m always very worried about what people will think, and whether I’ll fail, and whether they’ll laugh at me if I do. And so I end up with a lot of pointless ideas that I’m too lazy to do anything about, or too cautious to do anything about, or too everything to do anything about. I read this awesome post on Seth Godin’s blog today and I decided that I don’t want to look back when I’m forty and realize that I spent the best years of my life doing Nothing. And so, from now on, I’m going to try and do everything that I really want to do, and only because I really want to do them. And I’m going to try and do them well.

 

That’s it for now, I think. And now that I’ve put it all down in a list it doesn’t seem so doable after all. Specially point #3. Oh well. At least I know I’ll try.

And I apologize in advance if this post has any errors or odd sentences. I’m too tired to edit it right now and I really don’t want to read it again.

 

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Happy New Year

Happy January, Zonk :) I think I cribbed my way through 2010 more than anything else, but that’s just because I’m the type of person that likes to crib about things. Cribbing is cathartic; and in blog posts, entertaining. But it was a good year if I’m honest about it.

Recap of the Awesome Things of 2010:
  1. Blue Frog gig.
  2. Switching to canvases.
  3. Getting voted Best Artist of my venue at the Art Conspiracy.
  4. Learning Photoshop (and Illustrator)
  5. All the First Evers: Split EP cover, etc.
  6. Beanstalk wall.
  7. Giant Canvas
  8. The Flipkart Incident
  9. Switching to WordPress
  10. At least 4 new regular readers on my blog

Not that I’m saying it was all good. I suppose I lost a few friends in 2010. But the one’s I have left are the kind that are never going away, and that’s what counts, if you really think about it. Friends who mean the world to you and some who mean more..And nothing’s nicer than a New Year when you don’t feel the need to message people at midnight. When January One came along yesterday, I called my family to wish them. And then I forgot all about my phone and went back to drinking and taking pictures and being the World’s Most Scary Squirrel. Because everyone I care about was right there in the same room with me (N was going to come by in a bit). It was a Happy New Year, Zonk; we were all in costume, most of us. There was the Grim Reaper and a pirate and Gulshan Grover and Hitler and the KKK and Medusa and an underage suicide bomber and animal print costumes and fake scars and scythes. And we covered the lights in gelatin paper till the room was red and shady and reeking of Danger.

It was Awesome.

I hope you had a fun time on January One, Zonk. I hope that your year is full of days that are happy and I hope you have someone to call on days that are not. I hope you make far fetched resolutions and keep them all and I hope it makes you feel Awesome. Because you Are awesome. You are ears that always Listen and people who Understand and what would I do without you. I love you, Zonk, every single one of you. And I hope you have the Best New Year Ever. Surely you deserve it.
We all of us do.

Happy New Year.
Love,
K.

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Planner, Updater

‘P IS FOR PIG’ and other stories

Hello my Favourite Friend If You’re Here Atleast Once A Week. It’s been a long and uneventful yet strangely alright day. I could have finished up the 3-piece canvas I’m doing, but I didn’t. Because decisions have to be made that could make or break the whole thing, and I’d rather not make them now.  Though I could just sit right down and finish it all in one hour. But it’s 11pm and I deserve to read some Calvin before I go to bed.

So in order to prove to myself that I am not useless, I did one rough version today of the Beanstalk logo that I’m making. And I jammed a little too. After ages. I suck right now, but hopefully I’ll be better soon. It’s one of my New Year resolutions – Making Music. There’s also Making 10 Grand a Month and Being An Optimist; but really now who’m I kidding..
Oh well.

In other news:

  1. they’ve been digging up my bathroom flooring all day and I do think we ought to move to my sister’s while they are drilling before I go deaf and lose the ability to keep the one resolution I’m making that is somewhat realistic.
  2. I’m helping plan a costume party for New Year. The theme’s DANGER, and I’m going to be Foamy the badass squirrel. Half my friends are bastards and will turn up dressed as themselves. But because I want New Year to feel exciting, and because there is another half to the party (for once), I’m going to try and get a grey skull cap tomorrow and put ears and Foamy’s eyes on it.
    (Grey skull cap, anyone?)
  3. Since I get paid for the 3-piece canvas tomorrow, and for The Tilt webpage soon, I can get a haircut and pay for it myself. *weeps in joy*
  4. I’d done the illustration and design for the Split EP cover a while ago. It was my first actual design job in the real world,and it was super hurried and I was super disappointed with how the final result looked. But the Split guys liked it, and so did most other people. So I felt atisfied and forgot about the whole thing. Till I found out two days ago that my EP cover got voted #5 on the Indiecision Best Cover Art (2010) list.

    It’s not a big deal at all, and the top 4 have some really awesome designs that make me feel a little bit embarrassed about my wonky-snouted-piggy-in-a-suit, but I’m more proud to be on the list than embarrassed so wooooooo! :D

And that’s all the updates I have for you, oh Zonk. Time for me to go offline and read some Calvin now. Much love,

K.

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