..(contd.)

Okay, cancel that "goodbye" I ended my post with 10 minutes ago. I'm not allowed to say I have nothing to write. Seems its not a valid post.

So. I'd discuss global warming or consumerism or politics or the military rule in the north-east; except I won't. For more reasons than you'd suspect, too.

  • I'm shameless. The last time I touched a newspaper was when I was 5 yrs old. You see, when you're 5, the ability to read is a novel and exciting thing. So you tend to behave like an idiot and squint at all and any printed material, pointing and moving your fingers along the lines slowly, tongue between your teeth..
  • I'm an egocentric waste of space. I don't really care much about stuff that doesn't directly, and immediately, affect me. Let me illustrate that with an example. Take global warming- I seriously wouldn't give a fuck if glaciers melt in the arctic, or if penguins wear bikinis and float around in the sea sipping lemonade. (Heheheheh… actually I think that'd be fun) But if a hole develops in the ozone layer directly above my head and follows me around till I get skin cancer, THEN I'd be concerned about global warming. (Note: just in case you're Al Gore and you happen to be reading my blog: (1) What the fuck are you doing here? and (2) please include penguins in swimsuits in your next movie. It'd be a smart move.
  • If I understood politics, or cared to try and understand politics, or could find it in me to be even minutely interested in understanding politics;  do you really think my blog would read like this? It'd be all intellectual, and you wouldn't be reading it unless you're wearing a kurta and a jhola and running late for that play you're directing..*adjusts specs* (nah..I know loads of people who are AWARE and don't own a jhola..)

So I'll sum up the non-existant point of this post:

  1. My general awareness is zilch. (For further information on "zilch" please scroll down to previous post, titled "zilch")
  2. I do have a brain in my head, (which is why I manage to write something about nothing everyday. But right now it seems to be rotting. So if you find anything that resembles brain-remains, please do let me know. Or else just shove it into my ears gently when I'm asleep.
  3. I have nothing to say. Again.
  4. I don't have a life.
  5. Frank doesn't have a life. (Will this post do?)
  6. I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me ting ting ting ting ting

I'm not schizo. I swear. If you read the rest of this blog you'll see that I CAN stick to a train of thought usually. Please don't judge my mental state by this post.

Now I feel inadequate, unintellegent and inconsequential. But it's a temporary phenomenon.

Thank you.

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..

I have nothing to do and I'd  rather not think. Of anything. I have nothing to read. Nothing to write. Nothing to look forward to all day. Nothing to look back at and feel nice about.

11. And all I have is a day like any other. And knowing that I'm the only one to remember. And half-done songs that slide,blunder, falter and stop, looped and broken; twisting like question marks..

Goodbye.

 

 

 

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Dave Genius Matthews

Dave Unfairly Gifted Matthews.

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I hear a really good song, in my head I'm thinking- Fuck. Wish I'D written that song.

So today on my way to work I was listening to The Dreaming Tree (and fat ladies who are secretly confident that they could be the next Indian idol, given a chance. Thankfully nobody'll ever give them that chance. So instead of the entire nation suffering, its only us chosen few in crowded locals that get to hear the divas sing. And all we can do is cringe as inconspicuously as possible, concentrate on our shoes, and turn up the volume on our ipods in the hope that Dave Matthews can out-sing Fat Aunty, Fat Aunty, and Fat Aunty.)

Point being, I was listening to Dreaming Tree, and my head went like- Fuck I wish I'D written that song. Now Dreaming Tree happens to be a pretty long song, so my head kept going- fuck I wish I'd written that song. Then my playlist moved on to White Stripes, but my head was still stuck on Dave Matthews, going- fuck I wish I'D written that song.

Which was when it struck me that I very rarely listen to more than 3 DMB songs at a go, though I like the music. I figured that I just get tired of listening to my head when it goes into a repetitive mode. And Dave Genius makes ONLY brilliant songs, with Fucking Complicated Compositions. And even if the compositions not that complex, he'll have a million instruments making it sound all fancy. And if its a simple song, with only guitars, then he'll have Tim Reynolds playing it. Which of course means that my head goes- Fuck I wish I could play like that. Also (I'd like my head to note this please) its not very nice to keep saying "fuck". Pretty mannerless, if you ask me.

Now here's a few speculations about how Dave Matthews became a genius:

  • when he was a kid he had no friends. So he spent all his childhood practising, and grew up to become DAVE MATTHEWS.
  • he's really not a genius. The compositions belong to the anonymous Band. Dave is the frontman cos he happens to look better than the rest of them, and has a reasonably nice voice.
  • He's Beethoven reborn or something. This theory is pretty easy to verify- if Dave wakes up deaf on his 40th birthday and keeps composing, then he IS Beethoven reborn.

So thats about it for Dave. Now I'll come to terms with the fact that I'm NOT jobless today. This morning blog post is just out of habit now. Sheesh.

 

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The Invisible Pink Unicorn

 me: .lo
im bored
 Frank:
go pray to the pink unicorn
she will grant you lots of entertainment
 me: cant
 Frank: or if you are still unsatisfied pary to his holiness the god of all pastafarians the FSM
 me: the pink unicorn is offended cos i saw her standing in the shadow of a grill n mistook her for a striped zebra-unicorn
 Frank: she is all mighty
almighty
 me: FSM?
 Frank: flying spagetti monster
they are the only true gods
 me: of course
 Frank: hail the pink unicorn and the FSM
 me: nods intellegently
hail hail
 Frank: you dont know about them
 me: no
 Frank: philistine
pagan
go look em up.

So I DID look it up, and I have been greatly enlightened. For those of you who still exist in ignorance, I seek to rescue you from the eternal damnation that you are condemned to.

The Invisible Pink Unicorn (excerpt)
(Peace Be Unto Her) (May Her Holy Hooves Never Be Shod)

Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great spiritual power. We know this because they are capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them. [Steve Eley]

Pinkness (excerpt):

Yea, and I was given by inspiration that She was next to me, and I could touch Her, being the loyal servant, and I laid my hand upon Her mane, and She was Pink. She was not pink, She was not colourless, but She felt Pink, and I was thus overcome. I awoke later with a hangover, but I knew She was yet Pink, but invisible.

This, Dear (not) Reader, is a mere preview to an entire cult. So you can move your mouse-pointer to the link I'm posting below, and move the forefinger of your right hand slightly downwards in a jerky manner.(If you're not smart enough to get subtleities, just click on it you idiot.)

http://www.palmyria.co.uk/humour/ipu.htm

Thank you Frank :)

Heheheheh!

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Paintbox

Hello all, its 10:07a.m. and I'm already depressingly bored. Unfortuanately, I have nothing to talk about today either. And even more unfortunately, I've already discussed zilch here, so that leaves zilch to write about right now.

(Please note the subtle play on words. Thank you. *bows*)

So now I'll tell you who's what colour. And if you're bored enough to read this, then welcome to my life. And if you expected your name to be here and its not, then screw you. (Nah just kidding. If your names not here, You're a rainbow.)

Me: Black. Cos this is my blog and I get to pick whatever I want.

Anisha: Yellow, for her sunshine.

Zeenie: Green. Cos shes quiet and has a brain.

Sirus: Brown. Like earth. Or benches.

Nikhil: Dark blue. Cos he wants to be black but can't cos I don't think so.

Gul: Ochre. Cos she's too afraid to be a yellow and hides it by being a black or a brown.

Alison:Orange. Cos shes an aggressive yellow.

Rohan: Grey. Cos I can't tell what's what.

Ila: Bright Blue. Just.

Ankita: Maroon. Cos I think she'd be a red but I don't think she'd agree. But now she says she wants to be a red but screw you ankita, I can't keep editing now can I..

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