Yesterday I was crossing the road. Which is another one of the Things I Suck At. If I died a little bit for each time I got almost-run-over, I'd be pure ghost by now..(Note: for further details about Things I Suck At, check blog tomorrow. For further details about Things I Don't Suck At, check blog at random future date. I'll put it up someday, and feel depressed at its lack of length. But now is not the time to digress.)
So anyway, I was crossing, and it so happened that I got almost-run-over by two cars at the same time: me standing in the middle of the road and car in front of me going to my right and car behind me going to my left and both of them missing me by centimeters. Which was when I had a little epiphany. If I was any fatter, one (or two) cars would have hit me yesterday. And maybe a few others that narrowly missed me in the last 17yrs (I'm 19 but I figure I must have started walking at age 2 or something, and most grown ups are pretty careful while crossing with little kids. As in, there's no way a baby can end up on a divider narrowly not being hit by two cars.) So maybe God made me skinny on purpose, cos if i was fat I'd have died yesterday.
But they say fat people are happy people.
I have been thinking. I post here almost everyday, and I wonder who reads this blog. Apart from me that is, and one or two other people who check it more or less regularly. I'm guessing its randoms on vox who get here by mistake or due to boredom. In case you're a random, I'd like to wave at you *waves*. And I'll apologise for putting up the entire contents of my head on the internet for you to find. And the vacuum in it too. Its weird to imagine that maybe the people who know me best are strangers I'll never meet, who happen to stumble upon my theories and my sob stories, just because they have nothing better to do. Like me. Maybe I have more in common with a Random than with my bestest friend:)
So just in case you are a Random,
A day in the life of me:
7:00 am- wake up with horribly depressing song stuck in head.
7:30- pretend to still be having coffee
8:00- leave home
8:20- go broke buying coupons
8:30- break head getting in train
9:10- break head getting out of train
9:30- get to work, wonder why CPU is falling off trolley
9:40- wonder what to do about CPU, but do nothing cos of fear of things with wires
9:50- wonder what to blog about
10:00- hope to go home early
11:00- hope to go home early
12:00- by now find out for sure whether or not I get to go home early
1:30- ugly lunch
3:00- hope to go home early
5:00- hope to go home early
6:00- " " " " " "
at some point- get home
at some point- play guitar
at some point- eat
at some point- change head song to undepressing music, count bored sheep, sleep
Welcome to my life.
Wanna swap places?
Hello. Its four days since I blogged. Strange,eh? The reason I haven't been blogging is stranger still: I've been busy. *WAITS FOR DRUMROLL* Oh. Okay. No response, I see. Maybe I should elaborate a bit here. I've been BUSY. I'VE been BUSY. And you see, cool-job-that-keeps-me-out-of-home-till-unearthly-hours notwithstanding, thats quite a novel thing for me. Its thrilling. I've been checking documents for spacing errors and everything..who cares about making ads when you can make cool decisions about whether the apostrophe comes before or after the 's'.
So now you know what mood I'm in. The kind of dark mood where you invert a glass over a little bug instead of simply squishing it. Just so you can kill time watching it run out of oxygen. (Letting the bug go about its business is not even an option, just in case you're wondering.) Which brings me to the point of this post: what mood you're in depends on how you react to situations, which depends on the kind of person you are. And in nineteen years of pointlessness I've studiously analysed the Human Race and categorised people into different categories. (There's loads of genres of categories if you sit down and think about it, and I suggest you don't, cos you might as well have some chocloate if you have the time, and I've beaten you to the categories anyway. So here's one genre.)
The Bimbos: pretty or hot people, with a severe deficit in the brain area. These people are dumb, and everyone knows it but no one tells them cos they are hot. Some of them eventually figure out that they are not too bright, but they probably forget about the epiphany soon. Sometimes frustrating but relatively harmless, these people vary in degrees of niceness from "doll" to "bitch". (ps:the labels do not refer to only females.) They are generally happy, not cos bimboness comes with a certain resilience, but cos their short attention spans do not allow them to dwell on things-depressing or otherwise.
The Einsteins: smart, ugly people (like Albert Einstein). These people are above average in intellegence and depressingly hideous when it comes to physical appearance. The sort of people you hook up with over the internet and dump after your first date, even if it makes you feel shallow. Such people are nice to other such people, and may regard the rest of the universe as beneath them, but please do not be fooled. This is just a defense mechanism that ugly people develop. Other defense mechanisms include becoming a political leader or getting rich enough to never have a problem getting laid. These people are often unhappy, but thats cos they spend all their time thinking about Life and The World, and forget to laugh when people fart in public and stuff.
The "ah okays": decent looking people with slightly below average IQs. This kind of people always manage to make their way through college with not-too-many exams flunked. They look okay, but they won't win a beauty contest. They often hook up with other "ah okays", and are often found cutting hair in beauty parlours or sealing bottles in pickle factories. They tend to expect little from life, and are generally in a comfortable mood called "ah okay". (ie:neither happy, nor sad.)
The haters-of-fate: these are people who look decent and are decently smart, who therefore expect Life to be Fulfilling. Which is pretty dumb, and so they end up cribbing and deeply disgruntled, looking down upon all other types of people while kind of disliking themselves too. Other people often pretend to like them, but most of them are lying. A lot of fate-haters end up addicted to strange and stinky substances and find mention in reference book examples for psychology students (who, if they are really referring, are probably einsteins or fate-haters themselves).
The Heidis: stupid shiny happy people who skip around in green pastures singing and falling in love and such other bullshit. They usually die in the prime of their lives cos of random and avoidable accidents. They are always sunshiny happy, but no one cares, cos no one wants to be a Heidi anyway.Ugh.
The Chuts: Hot people with big brains. Always deeply depressed, cos the rest of the world hates them. Often find friends during the exam season, and almost always have a date, who will screw them cos they are hot and then dump them. Several Chuts die due to murder.
So now we know that the Universe loves us all.
Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
and sings the tune without the words
and never stops at all.
So get a gun and shoot the bird
and kill it while you can
its tone deaf and it has no words
it'll squawk till you go mad.
Sorry, Emily Dickinson.