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Schedule

A day in the life of me:

 

7:00 am- wake up with horribly depressing song stuck in head.

7:15- coffee

7:30- pretend to still be having coffee

7:35- bath

7:45- breakfast

8:00- leave home

8:20- go broke buying coupons

8:30- break head getting in train

9:10- break head getting out of train

9:30- get to work, wonder why CPU is falling off trolley

9:40- wonder what to do about CPU, but do nothing cos of fear of things with wires

9:50- wonder what to blog about

10:00- hope to go home early

11:00- hope to go home early

12:00- by now find out for sure whether or not I get to go home early

1:30- ugly lunch

3:00- hope to go home early

4:00- chai

5:00- hope to go home early

6:00- " " " " " "

at some point- get home

at some point- play guitar

at some point- eat

at some point- change head song to undepressing music, count bored sheep, sleep

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Welcome to my life.
Wanna swap places?

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Vox Imports

Theory # 27

Hello. Its four days since I blogged. Strange,eh? The reason I haven't been blogging is stranger still: I've been busy. *WAITS FOR DRUMROLL* Oh. Okay. No response, I see. Maybe I should elaborate a bit here. I've been BUSY. I'VE been BUSY. And you see, cool-job-that-keeps-me-out-of-home-till-unearthly-hours notwithstanding, thats quite a novel thing for me. Its thrilling. I've been checking documents for spacing errors and everything..who cares about making ads when you can make cool decisions about whether the apostrophe comes before or after the 's'.

So now you know what mood I'm in. The kind of dark mood where you invert a glass over a little bug instead of simply squishing it. Just so you can kill time watching it run out of oxygen. (Letting the bug go about its business is not even an option, just in case you're wondering.) Which brings me to the point of this post: what mood you're in depends on how you react to situations, which depends on the kind of person you are. And in nineteen years of pointlessness I've studiously analysed the Human Race and categorised people into different categories. (There's loads of genres of categories if you sit down and think about it, and I suggest you don't, cos you might as well have some chocloate if you have the time, and I've beaten you to the categories anyway. So here's one genre.)

The Bimbos: pretty or hot people, with a severe deficit in the brain area. These people are dumb, and everyone knows it but no one tells them cos they are hot. Some of them eventually figure out that they are not too bright, but they probably forget about the epiphany soon. Sometimes frustrating but relatively harmless, these people vary in degrees of niceness from "doll" to "bitch". (ps:the labels do not refer to only females.) They are generally happy, not cos bimboness comes with a certain resilience, but cos their short attention spans do not allow them to dwell on things-depressing or otherwise.

The Einsteins: smart, ugly people (like Albert Einstein). These people are above average in intellegence and depressingly hideous when it comes to physical appearance. The sort of people you hook up with over the internet and dump after your first date, even if it makes you feel shallow. Such people are nice to other such people, and may regard the rest of the universe as beneath them, but please do not be fooled. This is just a defense mechanism that ugly people develop. Other defense mechanisms include becoming a political leader or getting rich enough to never have a problem getting laid. These people are often unhappy, but thats cos they spend all their time thinking about Life and The World, and forget to laugh when people fart in public and stuff.

The "ah okays": decent looking people with slightly below average IQs. This kind of people always manage to make their way through college with not-too-many exams flunked. They look okay, but they won't win a beauty contest. They often hook up with other "ah okays", and are often found cutting hair in beauty parlours or sealing bottles in pickle factories. They tend to expect little from life, and are generally in a comfortable mood called "ah okay". (ie:neither happy, nor sad.)

The haters-of-fate: these are people who look decent and are decently smart, who therefore expect Life to be Fulfilling. Which is pretty dumb, and so they end up cribbing and deeply disgruntled, looking down upon all other types of people while kind of disliking themselves too. Other people often pretend to like them, but most of them are lying. A lot of fate-haters end up addicted to strange and stinky substances and find mention in reference book examples for psychology students (who, if they are really referring, are probably einsteins or fate-haters themselves).

The Heidis: stupid shiny happy people who skip around in green pastures singing and falling in love and such other bullshit.  They usually die in the prime of their lives cos of random and avoidable accidents. They are always sunshiny happy, but no one cares, cos no one wants to be a Heidi anyway.Ugh.

The Chuts: Hot people with big brains. Always deeply depressed, cos the rest of the world hates them. Often find friends during the exam season, and almost always have a date, who will screw them cos they are hot and then dump them. Several Chuts die due to murder.

 

So now we know that the Universe loves us all.

ta!

 

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I, Sherlock.

I was thinking about my old guitar Eddie yesterday, which made me remember the spiders. I wonder where they are now. I know you feel lost, dear reader, and so I will go on and tell about The Spiders.

Well, my old Granada (which was called Eddie and which I sold because my hands were not big enough for it) had spiders in it. Actually I only ever saw one spider, but I KNOW there was a whole family in it, AND I knew it BEFORE I saw the spider too. Call me Sherlock. No actually don’t its the sort of name you get ragged for having. But I did read the Complete Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes when I was a kid, and I think (even if I may say so myself) that my brain, with its superior IQ (132 according to facebook so ha!) couldn’t help but pick up a few tips from Holmes. Just a side-effect of being smart.

And now for The Mystery Of The Recurring Web And Who Made It.

Evidence of The Spider

Well, everytime I used to take Eddie out of his case there used to be a web-thread in the hole of the sound box. And I’m quite an observant person, so I noticed.  Everytime I saw it there I used to break it and say tsk tsk. (And then I used to play, alternating between soft and loud, in order to confuse The Spider.)

The Spider

Turns out I was right after all, cos this one time I was playing some Incubus, a Spider (an astonishingly industrious one too- it was making a web WHILE I was playing) came crawling out to the A-string. I waited till he was out in the open, then scooped him out with a plec and sent him scuttling out of the window and felt a little bit triumphant. Loser. Sigh.

The Family

So now you know about The Spider And How I Got Rid Of It. So you will assume, as I did, that the web-thread wouldn’t return. But it did.
Which only goes to show that it wasn’t just One Spider in my guitar, but a whole Spider Family.

Elementary, dear Watson.
*bows*

PS: I also found a web-thread once in my new guitar Eddie (and no, its not the only name I can think of, my ipod is called Mojo Jojo if you must know). So I thought the Spider Family found its way back to me. Pretty sweet of them, plus spiders ARE quite cute; so I tried not to upset them with loud music. But turns out they just wanted to party, cos they went away. So much for being considerate. Next time you see a spider I suggest you just squish it and don’t worry about its comfort and all that.

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~~~~~

Hello all. I've been thinking about everything that really matters to me (not people, lets not go there) and heres the list I came up with:

My Guitar
My Ipod
Music
Jazz (Toni Morisson)
Other Random Things I've Read
Finding Something To Put Up On This Blog Everyday
Politics
Friendship
Apocalypse
Religion
Career
Future
Theatre

Okay so I don't care about too much so big deal. Atleast I'm not lying. (Notice how all the lies are striked out) Now look at my list again. Read through it (striked out stuff too, cos its fun and I just noticed that button) Notice that *calculates*… uh.. 50% of the stuff I care about is music related. So I thought that maybe I should think about why I care so much about music. And if you care too, maybe you should think about it as well, cos anyway your reading a random blog right now which only proves that you have nothing better to do. And if you don't care, then well. Nevermind. I'm not judging you, but Nikhil is. (He really is, even if you don't know who the fuck he is.)

So heres some possible reasons:

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Fuck it. I dont know why it does. If you're bored enough to write some pseudo strike the chord in your soul crap, then congratulations, you just replaced me as Second Most Bored Person in The Continent Of Asia Minus China (Chinese people don't get bored anymore cos of Tibet and the Olympics and everything. Think about it.) The First Most Bored Person, fyi, is a Very Brave Person in a little village in Afghanistan. More fun trivia on this blog some other time, and I'll go eat some thing now. Ta!

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