Life Lesson-

Ignoring dental problems is not an effective way of dealing with fear of dentists.

I’ve learned this the hard way.
Appointment #2 is tomorrow. I hope this time I’m braver and don’t flail my arms and legs so much while people put drills in my mouth.

When all of this is over, I will go stuff my face full of donuts. And right after that I will begin to treat my teeth like the jewels that they are. Or ought to be. After the fucking root canals. I will brush fifteen times an hour. I will go to the dentist all the fucking time so he can arrest the evil before it takes root again. I will go so many times that he will have my number on speed dial and invite me to his children’s birthday parties. Which I will attend. And while I’m there I will eat no cake. So he can see what a stellar dental client I can be, even if I did try to kick him during my root canal.

Please, Universe, please let them discover a Miraculous Cure for all dental maladies while I am asleep tonight. Let them not numb my face and drill holes into my skull. And also I want to be able to drink tomorrow night. Which won’t be possible if I’m pumped full of anesthesia. So, Miraculous Cure, please. Thank you. And hurry.


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