I don’t usually make resolutions. I never manage to really keep them, for one, and I’ve never really thought much about what I ought to change about myself, for another. But I have been doing a bit of thinking lately and I’ve found a bunch of things about myself that I need to fix.
And so it is that I begin to make my resolutions. And list them.
- Eat more things. If you spend enough time with me, Zonk, you’ll begin to notice that I eat very few things. I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t like vegetables and I’ve been teetering on the brink of non-vegetarianism for a long time. I’ve decided that it’s time to start eating everything that falls into the first category or at least some of what falls in the latter. I’ve already started on this one, fyi. I went out for lunch yesterday and I did not order the first thing that I wanted to eat. I called for barbecued chicken pasta and I ate all of it. More importantly, I even actually liked it.
- Become a violinist. This one isn’t as fancy as it sounds, Zonk. I’m not saying that I want to turn into a maestro overnight and acquire a crazy but awesome career in chamber music or anything. I’m never going to be interested in that sort of thing. All I want is to practice enough to be able to jam decently by the end of the year. When people ask me if I play violin, I want to be able to simply say yes and leave it at that. I don’t want to tell them that I try my best, or that I’m learning. And I really don’t want to feel the need to precede everything with a thousand disclaimers. It’s a hard instrument to learn, I admit, but not impossible. I already understand strings somewhat. I just need to find the will to practice everyday. And I also need to figure out how to stop my shoulder from catching every time I try to play.
- DO things. There’s people who do things. And then there’s people that things happen to. I am among those who let things happen to them. I go with the flow. I stay safe and I do what’s easy and I try my best to never venture out of my comfort zone. I never rock the boat. When things come along that I really want to do that not everybody will agree with, I’ll more often than not decide not to do them at all. I don’t do things my family won’t approve of. I don’t do things that will stress me out or slow me down or make me miss my bus. I don’t do things when I’m not sure how to go about them. Or where to begin or what questions to ask. Then again, I don’t ask questions at all. I google them instead. You see, I’m always very worried about what people will think, and whether I’ll fail, and whether they’ll laugh at me if I do. And so I end up with a lot of pointless ideas that I’m too lazy to do anything about, or too cautious to do anything about, or too everything to do anything about. I read this awesome post on Seth Godin’s blog today and I decided that I don’t want to look back when I’m forty and realize that I spent the best years of my life doing Nothing. And so, from now on, I’m going to try and do everything that I really want to do, and only because I really want to do them. And I’m going to try and do them well.
That’s it for now, I think. And now that I’ve put it all down in a list it doesn’t seem so doable after all. Specially point #3. Oh well. At least I know I’ll try.
And I apologize in advance if this post has any errors or odd sentences. I’m too tired to edit it right now and I really don’t want to read it again.