Now, Zonk, if you’ve been here a while you’ll already know this. But I feel the need to repeat it for the gazillionth time, for just in case you haven’t been here that long.
It’s been more than a year since college ended. I’m still sitting home. No enrolling in other institutions, no employment. No waking up everyday with a Purpose and a Weariness. No Trudging Off to the train station in the mornings. No movie-like Homeward Bound sentiments in the evenings. Because I’m always home. In fact, I’m almost always in this one chair in front of my comp at home. It could at least have been one of those fancy swiveling leather-cushioned affairs that nobody in their right minds would want to get off off. But no. This chair is a cheap plastic thing that cost about 400 bucks. On days when I’m feeling fancy, I put a cushion on the seat. On days when I’m feeling regular, I pretty much am the chair.
Oh well. Perhaps I will succeed after all in creating a half-decent portfolio in a few months’ time. Perhaps someone will employ me. And I’ll have a Purpose and a Weariness to my days again. And money. When that day comes, Zonk, I think I’ll sit down and cry from relief. Until then, I’ll stay here in my chair and feel Grim About Things.
Speaking of which, the list of Things I Feel Grim About is getting longer these days. There’s the usual stuff – Future, Finances, Life, Self, Chairs, etc. Then there’s new Things. Like Health. And Feeling Fat. Indeed.
Here’s the thing, Zonk. I stay home all the time, and I do things like paint and make music and blog and design. I use my head a bit. I use my body not at all. It makes me nervous. And fat-feeling. Raise your eyebrows at me if you must. But skinny people can feel fat too. If they sit still for long enough. And eat well. And eat often. It’s not really a fat feeling..more like a flabby sort of upset feeling that comes from not moving enough on a regular basis.
Point being, I can’t afford to not move much, Zonk. Because apart from the silly flabby feeling, which I really have no reason to bother about while I’m still this underweight, there’s also the simple logic of How People Go Mental. If you don’t do anything physical, you don’t get too tired by the time the day’s done. Which means you stay up a little later everyday. Eventually, and I could pinpoint the exact moment in time when this should occur if only I had some Mathematical ability, you’ll have trouble sleeping at all. And we all know how not-sleeping is a depressing, anxious-people-making thing. I hate being an anxious-person. Which is why I better get some regular exercise under my belt.
So here’s the scene: I went swimming regularly, till the pool shut for the rains. And then when the pool opened, I decided to Be A Runner instead. Which means I jogged 20 minutes a day, everyday. Till I discovered that nobody was actually going to get that family gym membership. Which kind of killed the running thing for me. I mean really, I was mainly excited about having a purpose to be in a gym. Now I’m considering getting back to cycling, because I love cycling and I cycled a lot when I was a kid. Trouble is, where I live, you only cycle if you’re under fifteen, or else somebody’s bound to mistake you for a milkman. And I hate to admit it but I really do get pretty affected by What People Think. So I’d like to cycle when the streets are empty. Which should ideally be early in the morning or late at night. Except I’m asleep in the mornings, and I’m not allowed to cycle alone late nights on account of its not safe and I’m easy-kill and so forth.
Which brings me to Today. I woke up somewhat early today (8 a.m.) and had my coffee and looked out. Seemed like there was no traffic. So I decided to take my cycle to the air-filling guy, and go for a nice, long ride. Turns out 8a.m. is too early for the air-filling guy too, so I just wheeled my cycle back home. But it got me thinking, that maybe it’s time to change my lifestyle a bit. You know, sleep early, wake up at 6 in the morning, etc. Cycle a lot, eat fresh fruit and vegetables. Well fuck the fruits and vegetables, but I could try waking up at 6 and stuff at least..it’s a small price to pay if it keeps me from going loony. Of course, it might actually upset my day a bit. I’ve got pretty used to my awake-alone midnight hours..I use the time to continue work on things, and to read random blogs. Think I should give up on being Nocturnal and be Healthy and Not Mental instead? Do tell, Zonk. It’s Poll Time.