Driving Test :|

Okay Zonk. I’ve been practicing for my driving test today, and I’ve taken 10 u-turns in the past half-hour, and  at least 7 of them were fancy u-turns requiring 1st gear and reverse. I managed pretty okay. But that’s probably because I had Arup sitting next to me. I wish he was a police guy but he’s not. If he was, then maybe he’d have sat next to me at the RTO for my test and I’d have done my u-turns nicely. But since he had to go become a marketing guy some random police guy will sit in the car beside me instead. And my driving school instructor said that he’ll be scary.


So I do my test day after tomorrow. I’m really worried I won’t pass, Zonk. I have problems starting up cars when I’m nervous. And sitting next to a random scary judgmental policeman is sure to make me nervous. Also, C said that in order to pass the test I have to look hardcore. I have no idea how I’ll manage that. I considered wearing glares but then they make my nose feel weird so I’ll probably bang into something if I do. Besides he might mistake me for a rich bitch and that’s just wrong and hurtful on account of I’m poor as hell and it’s mean to rub it in by thinking I’m rich. So glares are out for sure. I think I’ll wear clothes that make me look more gravityful. So here’s what we have so far:

  1. I’m worried.
  2. I need to plan outfit.

And as anybody who’s ever been here will know, that calls for list-making, and so does that. So.

List of Things That Can Go Wrong During Driving Test:

  1. I get nervous because of random policeman sitting next to me and have trouble starting up car.
  2. I have trouble starting up car and so get nervous and so have trouble starting up car again and generally fuck everything up.
  3. Groove on sole of floater gets stuck on clutch and foot goes up when clutch is released. To avoid this I’ll wear my sister’s Reeboks and practice with them tomorrow.
  4. I call policeman ‘Uncle’ and he gets pissed because he’s one of those people who aren’t really as old as they look.
  5. Policeman has weird accent and I don’t understand when he tells me to shift gears.
  6. I run into rick.
  7. I run into rick guy getting out of rick.
  8. Rick runs into me but policeman blames me because I’m a woman driver and don’t have a license anyway.
  9. I try to slow down car but car stalls because I suck at doing the half clutch and brake thing.
  10. I panic and pop a pill and policeman thinks I’m a druggie. To avoid this I shall wipe 70% of kohl off face.
  11. I don’t sleep well night before test on account of worrying too much and fall asleep at wheel. This is by far the worst possibility I can think of.
  12. Policeman is a bully and picks on easy victims on a regular basis. To avoid this I shall carefully plan a costume that makes me look gravityful.

Correct Costume To Convey Gravity: Now this is a tricky one. Since I can’t look hardcore without going punk, I need to find clothes that say I’m-25-and-nobody-picks-on-me-and-gets-away-with-it. I need to look formal, but not lame. And I do look lame in formal clothes. Plus I don’t have formal clothes. I’ll have to alter my sister’s clothes if I want formals and that just makes me look like I don’t have friends. So I’m going to go for casuals that look a little like I go to business meetings sometimes. Now you’re probably thinking there is no call for so much melodrama. But there is. Remember that when I went for my learner’s license, they asked me to identify road signs and made it seem like an exam. Nobody else in the line got asked road signs. Just me and my sister. So you see why it’s important to look un-fuckable-with. And now I’ve decided what to wear but there’s no point describing clothes now is these. So I’ll spare you the details.

Please pray I pass my driving test day after Zonk. The driving schoolguy said I can give it as many times as I want, every Thursday of my life. But it’ll just really suck if I don’t pass. Specially since I really can drive pretty okay. I’m not Good, but I’m okay enough for a license!



2 thoughts on “Driving Test :|

  1. They make you take a test? I just had to stand in line and give a thumb impression.
    Oh, and when in doubt, full clutch. No harm can come of this except that years down the line your clutch plate will wear out a bit sooner than it would have otherwise unless you leave the clutch too soon and stall the car or it ends up jerking forward or you forget to leave the clutch later and you accelerate and the car doesn’t go anywhere but just revs a lot and makes you look like an idiot.
    But last minute advice will probably just confuse you more so forget everything I just said.

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