Nothing ruins a day like waking up at six in the evening, Zonk. I've been doing that two days in a row now.. Staying up all night and waking up at 6 p.m. all feverish and depressed. That's a whole day's gone. And if you haven't done something with your day by 6 p..m. there is no salvaging it at all..
I can't afford to do this, Zonk. I can't keep throwing days away like they're so much trash. You see, it's one thing when you have a whole list of things-to-do lined up neatly in black and white. Like do this and this and this and earn this much by the end of it all. But everything on my list has small text in grey about painting things for tentative money and honestly, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by it all. My Giant Canvas..the sketch is approved and I could start on it anytime I want. When will I want? I'm afraid I will screw it up and I'm afraid that there are no fixes for screw ups on that scale. I need to finish my little canvas first..if that goes through I get money enough to tide me over till I'm done with the Giant. But I had my doubts about the little canvas on day two, and now it feels like work.. Though I have been planning on finishing it every single day for the last three days..except that I wake up at 6 p.m. feeling feverish and sleep-deprived and by then there is no salvaging anything.
There is something else, Zonk. A few little things I need to paint of my own accord on the side. And it may never get used for anything, or else it might. But I need to do it and I have less than two weeks to get it done. How do I manage it along with the Little Canvas and the Giant? And I need to be learning digital too..
Days like these I wish I had a friend I didn't have to travel 3 hours to meet. It'd be nice to step out in the evening and walk ten minutes to meet you, Zonk. It'd be nice to whine a little and drink some tea and maybe watch T.V. Days like these I wish that when my mom's away all weekend, I had someone I could call who could come over anytime and we'd sit up all night in our pajamas and paint our toenails and watch sitcoms eat maggi at midnight. Don't get me wrong, Zonk; I doubt I'd be painting my toenails even if I did have a bestfriendforever who lived five minutes away. But it'd be nice to have the option. As it is, my friends are mostly male and all of them live really far away and some of them have left the city. And whoever it is that can make it over when I call, can't stay over. Because there's too much explaining to do at my end if I want guys to stay the night. Kind of kills the trip..
And while we're depressing ourselves, there's sad news on Ink today.. Not all of you have vox accounts I think. So for those of you who don't: vox is shutting down. I got an email that said this a few days back:
- Vox is no longer accepting new user registrations. If you have an existing Vox account you can continue to sign in to manage your account and view posts from your neighborhood.
- On Wednesday September 15th, you will no longer be able to create new posts on Vox or upload new photos or videos. You will still be able to sign in to view your blog and manage your account.
- On Thursday September 30th, your blog will no longer be available at Vox.com, and you will no longer be able to sign in to Vox.
And so it is. Vox is throwing me out after all..after I spent months explaining to people that I wont switch to wordpress no matter how awesome it is because vox is vox and it feels so much like an old friend and I'd hate to betray it for a cooler site. But now I have no option. So I just got a wordpress url..it's keyminor.wordpress.com. I hope I can export the entire contents of this blog to wordpress..three years worth of posts and some songs and some pictures. And all of you. Don't go away when vox is gone, okay Zonk? I wouldn't have bothered saying this a month or two ago because I'd have thought I know everyone who's ever on this page. But I'm not so sure of that anymore. There seem to be more of you than I'd ever thought there would be and for that I love you all. There's few things I care more about than this blog..you see I'm scared no one here will look for me again..
My apologies, Zonk. This wasn't supposed to turn into a whiny, emo post but today is a wasted day and vox is shutting down. Haw can I not be unhappy about it..
Some days you go to sleep at the wrong end of the day and wake up at 6 p.m. and remember just how dismal things can be when you haven't spent the morning keeping them afloat. You could work on changing things around, but then it's 6 o' clock. What is there to do at six but to tell you all and to let things go..
A song for if you're blue. Sad Waters by Nick Cave. Give it a listen sometime, Zonk. I only recently discovered it, and it's only the most beautiful grief song I've heard in a long long time. The violin kills me..
Down the road I look and there runs Mary
Hair of gold and lips like cherries
We go down to the river where the willows weep
Take a naked root for a lovers seat
That rose out of the bitten soil
But sound to the ground by creeping ivy coils
O Mary you have seduced my soul
And I don't know right from wrong
Forever a hostage of your child's world
And then I ran my tin-cup heart along
The prison of her ribs
And with a toss of her curls
That little girl goes wading in
Rollin her dress up past her knee
Turning these waters into wine
Then she platted all the willow vines
Mary in the shallows laughing
Over where the carp dart
Spooked by the new shadows that she cast
Across these sad waters and across my heart
PS: I'll try to keep my wordpress blog grey too..
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