How to Disappear

To think I thought it would be alright now.. 

My fingers tingle and my hands have started to shake. I'm scared I will be scared and I swear to god I can't take any more of that. I'd thought I was healed but I'm not. Save me from losing my breath in the hard air, save me from screaming like birds and wondering how things disappear.. I'd thought vitamins and a shrink would Save me. How could they not when I trust so easy and so fucking much? Give it time and I still think it will work. I think it could happen. I think I will be alright. 
Soon.
I cannot be breaking again. 
But I don't think I am. It's just been a small bad spell that's all. I have you now to fall to. Thank god I have you now. Wake up, C. Though even if you do what can you possibly say to take this away.. 
What would I do without you. 
I should paint now and I will be fine. But my paints are in a production house all the way in Dadar. And so I must blog. 
I've only just realized how therapeutic this is too.. My hands are almost steady now :)
Thank you, Zonk. All of you. Because I feel like it. 
Just.
And now for Deathnote. Which I think does not help me much.
Pray I sleep well tonight. I'd take a pill if I got too anxious but then I'll spend all tomorrow feeling fucking shakey. And I don't like that much at all.
Love,
K.

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Author: Kirtana K

I paint and make music and blog like a maniac. These days I try to run. But I have chicken legs and lungs the size of two-rupee balloons. I fail. I like pajamas and striped socks and books that read like song and songs that sound like poetry and strangers who read this page. And Maggi when I'm sick or cold or sad or celebrating. They'll find noodles in my veins if ever they cut me open. And potatoes. And maybe a tiny bit of whiskey. I'll be an Unidentified Living Object and they'll put my insides on display. It will be crazy. It will be awesome. It will.

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