How to Disappear

To think I thought it would be alright now.. 

My fingers tingle and my hands have started to shake. I'm scared I will be scared and I swear to god I can't take any more of that. I'd thought I was healed but I'm not. Save me from losing my breath in the hard air, save me from screaming like birds and wondering how things disappear.. I'd thought vitamins and a shrink would Save me. How could they not when I trust so easy and so fucking much? Give it time and I still think it will work. I think it could happen. I think I will be alright. 
Soon.
I cannot be breaking again. 
But I don't think I am. It's just been a small bad spell that's all. I have you now to fall to. Thank god I have you now. Wake up, C. Though even if you do what can you possibly say to take this away.. 
What would I do without you. 
I should paint now and I will be fine. But my paints are in a production house all the way in Dadar. And so I must blog. 
I've only just realized how therapeutic this is too.. My hands are almost steady now :)
Thank you, Zonk. All of you. Because I feel like it. 
Just.
And now for Deathnote. Which I think does not help me much.
Pray I sleep well tonight. I'd take a pill if I got too anxious but then I'll spend all tomorrow feeling fucking shakey. And I don't like that much at all.
Love,
K.

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