Engineering 101

Technology in an ideal world.

Course Outline:
Part A: Technology Inflicted Woes That Afflict Humankind (Illustrated with examples)
Part B: Engineering for Retards

Part A: Technology Inflicted Woes That Afflict Humankind (read: Humankind = Me)

So my mouse stopped working a few months back, right before an exam. That's a no can-do, cos I need the comp the night before an exam: I do all my research online, I save all my info in a neat little folder labelled TY LIT. So if my mouse stops working during exams I have to stick my head in a paper bag and try not to hyperventilate. Anyway, I stayed up all night grappling with my Tab key with tears streaming down my face, almost passed out on my paper due to sheer exhaustion, and just managed to scrape through with a measly 35%.
Ok fine, none of that happened. I just swore some and went to bed and did great on the paper anyway *reminisces*

Then I borrowed my sister's mouse which she doesn't use, seeing as her baby long ago destroyed the rest of her computer. Now even that mouse died yesterday. Which means I ran to Geonet this morning. They said they have only USB mice (mouses?) and my mouse was a ___mouse. (Fill in the blanks yourself. Its some random combination of alphabets and numbers. I'm not too sure and I'm too bored to google it. I assume someone will enlighten me soon enough. PS: I will refer to a __ mouse as…uh… a USA mouse? for the rest of this post.) So anyway, they later found my type of mouse with the wire ending in the round thing that looks like it fell on its side. But I, ever the prudent one, decided to check my sister's mouse on their comp. Turned out it worked fine, which meant the problem was probably with my comp, not the mouse.

*hyperventilates in retrospect*
But I'm smarter than you think. Something told me No. This mouse is fucked. It works only when it wants to. So I bought the new mouse anyway, and sure enough it worked fine. At which point I realized that maybe I should have just got a USB mouse, cos what if the USA port (heheheheh!) on my comp is actually fucked, atleast I know the USB ports work fine. So I went back and exchanged it for a USB mouse. Turns out its a laptop mouse or something, but seriously, I don't give a fuck. I'd borrow Jerry from Hannah Barbara and plug him into my comp if he'd do the job. Plus, Hp tells me this mouse's got Ergonomic design with Streamlined Contours, and reduces strain on the hand. Woohoo! Maybe my guitar playing will improve now. Also, its a must for all notebook users. Crap. I just switched to A4 sized foolscap a few weeks back. But thats not what Hp meant. I'm not stupid, you see.

Moving on.

Part B: Engineering for Retards

Okay. I suppose its killer that you have two whole different types of mice (mouses?), one that goes into a hole shaped like so: O; and the other that goes into a hole shaped like so: ||
Well. Something like that anyway. Now its really pretty annoying to keep running back to Geonet (20 bucks one way, lemme tell you) cos you're not sure whether rectangles are cooler than circles (they are, fyi, or so I've been told). Why the fuck make two types, if everybody already knows USB's cooler than USA? (Not everybody maybe. And maybe its not cooler? Play along. I really don't give a fuck either way, and I don't think you should either.)

My point is: Just stick to the rectangles. Or make a cooler shape.

Like this:                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                  

Or this:

Or maybe like this, though I think that'd just be lame and also indicative of terrible taste among you engineers. But whatever works for you:

Whatever. My point is, just make all the fucking holes on the comp of the same shape and size. So you can stick stuff in wherever and it'll work fine. Life would be so much easier if you didn't lose half of it on changing mice (mouses?) depending on where you're gonna stick it in.

PS: I have also demonstrated how shape-selection can be a fun and creative process.

Ta.  

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Author: Kirtana K

I paint and make music and blog like a maniac. These days I try to run. But I have chicken legs and lungs the size of two-rupee balloons. I fail. I like pajamas and striped socks and books that read like song and songs that sound like poetry and strangers who read this page. And Maggi when I'm sick or cold or sad or celebrating. They'll find noodles in my veins if ever they cut me open. And potatoes. And maybe a tiny bit of whiskey. I'll be an Unidentified Living Object and they'll put my insides on display. It will be crazy. It will be awesome. It will.

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