Literati

Hello.
It's Phew-time again.

I assume you're smart enough to decipher the implication, but just in case a stray bullet vamooshed away your brain or something, and because I feel like elaborating- you and I happened to escape another series of crash-boom-bangs and here's the theory: take away all the angry shouting at the government and so on, there's a single sound you're left with- a giant, relieved PHEW!

And now I assume you expect me to hit the play button on the tape that's been playing on loop in our collective consciousness. Fuck the government fuck the coast guard fuck the country and a couple of other harmless fucks. But I won't. Not to say I don't feel the pissed-off-ness, but well, there IS such a thing as overcrowding cyberspace with newly-awakened politically-conscious hate-lit.

Instead I will tell you How To Identify Recently Acquired Terror Victim Status of a city. This might seem pointless, but if ever you land in a foreign city two days after it's been bombed or bled or generally fucked, and also happen to be the type that hasn't been near a newspaper or a news channel since your current affairs paper in school, this particular post on my blog will suddenly become the #1 Thing To Read Immediately. So here's what you look out for to confirm that a city has indeed been a terror target in the recent past (ie, the last two weeks).

  1. An abnormally large number of khaki coloured decorations in public places. Its cute. And crafty. Look carefully, and you'll see they are actually policemen. This is a phenomenon that tends to dwindle rapidly in the week after the terror attack. Exactly why the podgy little khaki men are posted at places that have already been blown up is a debatable question. Some believe that the presence of policemen discourages terrorists from blowing up places. Of course, there's not much reason any terrorist would want to blow up a place two times, specially if he's been successful the first time he tried it. Others claim that police presence affords civilians a sense of security. *Barfs* I personally believe that policemen are posted at fucked-up places to discourage youngsters from smoking and adding to the pollution caused by recent explosions in the vicinity. 
  2. A suspiciously large number of people claiming to have been in a particular location on a particular date, or to have narrowly missed being in that particular location on that particular date. Do a bit of quick thinking, and you'll soon figure out the date and venue of the terror attack. (Please note: this indicator is not fool-proof. There could be more than one reason for a location gaining sudden popularity in conversations. For example, if the guns hadn't gone off on Wednesday, a load of people would have been talking about being in Bandra at the Amphitheatre on Saturday or Sunday. Which simply means that they were discussing the Jazz Utsav. Which, I may point out, is not the same as a bomb blast. Moral of the story: a half-hearted eavesdropper is often ill-informed.)
  3. Census reports dropping a digit. Any sudden drastic fall in the population indicates a massive wipe-out via natural calamity, epidemic, war or terror attack. In some cultures there's even the possibility of mass suicide, but you're never going to come across those cultures so nevermind that. And if you're industrious enough to get hold of a recent census report, I suggest you stop wasting everybody's time and simply buy a newspaper instead you freak.
  4. Sudden rise in facebook literature. The birth of a horde of notes-writers indicates the presence of some underlying reason for notewriting; some sudden upheaval strong enough to goad a load of internet users into stringing more than two and a half words together and actually putting them up on social networking sites. What's better- they all choose the same site to voice their turmoil and hone their skills. And so we end up with a site full of notes that are (essentially) exact replicas of each other. And when THAT happens, dear Reader, you know for a fact that you're in a place where all's not well.

After the world war there were the War Poets. Now we have the Facebook Literati. Phew.

To clarify, I have nothing against facebook notes. Some of them (one of them) are kinda nice. Just that a sudden downpour is sorta frustrating. Why am I reading them then? Well, I don't read em all fully. And also, I have no life. Reiterate it.

PS: I'm not this disapproving in reality. I promise. I'm just tired and my back and head are painful.

Goodnight goodnight goodnight.

Some people believe in facebook notes, some don't, and some are overweight. So much for pointless statements. 

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