No this is not QOTSA.
I've been sick recently, still am in a way. Which explains the sudden and drastic revival of this blog..sick people plus computers can end in only so many results. Of cos, that also depends on the type of sick person you take..a nerdy sick person plus a computer might result in increased googling and could consequently lead to the winning of quizzes and other such phenomena. A curious and industrious sick person with a screwdriver might, when put in a room with a computer, end up with a motherboard and a lot of scrap iron (and, needless to say, the conspicuous absence of the computer itself). In any case, I'm the type of sick person who makes his/her boredom and lack of life shamefully obvious by blogging ten times a day.
So. Apart from being sick, I've also been around loads of sick people. And that, unsurprisingly, caused me to judge, evaluate and categorize them into various types. I will now proceed to type out the various possible categories.
(Which means I will now proceed to make up those various possible categories. Please give me a mo to get started.)
- THE JESUS-ON-THE-CROSS TYPE SICK PERSON: This is the kind of sick person whose sniffles get louder and aches get painful-er in the presence of any type of potential audience. If you walk into a room with a stricken Jesus in it, not only will the said sick person promptly stagger and collapse into chairs or other random furniture (or non-furniture), but the said sick person will then instantly struggle painfully back to his or her feet, refuse to accept any help you may care to offer, refuse any medication, and smile like Mother Teresa posing for a picture in an orphanage full of undernourished children. However, a sting operation would reveal frequent indulgence in crocin strips (and sometimes, entire first-aid kits) concealed on the person of the stricken Jesus. The female of this species tends to hook-up with unsuspecting males in the period between the onset of the illness and its cure. The males would like to hook-up also, but they are mostly thought of as pansies.
- THE UBERMENSCH (SUPERMAN): The exact opposite of the stricken jesus, this kind of sick person, when in the presence of an audience, carries out the mundanest of activities with a needless gusto that is alarming to behold. A sick superman may, therefore, start out polishing a shoe but end up with a few strips of leather and tattered, shiny, shoelace. No one offers a sick superman medication. Ever. Unless they are on the verge of hooking up with him or her. 30% of hospital beds are occupied by idiots who never learnt to appreciate the value of the age old "a stitch in time saves nine". They are the type of people who start out with sprained toes and ignore them till its time to cut off the entire leg. Research shows that the vigor of the sick ubermensch often scares babies and causes them to bawl.
- THE EXAGGERATOR: Such sick people turn sickness into Sundays. A bandaid on a pinky is enough reason to stay in bed and be spoonfed for an entire day, and a fever results in a hullabaloo that sometimes confuses passing-by priests into offering their services for the extreme unction of the dying person. Exaggerators sometimes suffer due to family members doubting the genuinity (genuineness?) of their ailments; there have been cases of people dying due to headaches that actually turned out to be tumours, who were dismissed with a daily dose of half a crocin. Please note, even attention seeking exaggerators may, at some point in their lives, be actually and terminally ill and deserve the benefit of a doubt.
Well. I could come up with more, but my eye hurts.
I don't belong to any of the above categories of sick people by the way. I could tell you my category but I don't feel like it right now. Call me up and maybe I'll tell you.
Hint: I'm the type of sick person that gets bored and feels talkative and gets bitchy when there's no one to talk to.
Ps: this hint is not for all of you. Please do not call me uo if you're a random or a boring person I happen to know who also happens to be a reader-of-blogs.
Pray for my eye.