The Anxious Person’s Guide To Life

Dear Zonk,

Here you go: http://bleakpersonchronicles.com/post/153550298925/the-anxious-persons-guide-to-life-i-wrote-this

A bit about this post:

  1. I’ve been meaning to make this for a long time now. A year, at the very least.
  2. I only illustrated it recently, but the post was written 3 years or more ago.
  3. As you probably can tell from the terrible URL, I haven’t set things up very well on this blog. Oh well. It’ll get better, eventually.
  4. I actually like this one enough to consider posting it somewhere slightly less private or anonymous. Like maybe Medium. But let’s see. I’m not sure I will do that, yet.
  5. If you read this post, please do not feel the need to express any alarm or concern. I wrote this when things were shitty, but things are really quite alright now :)

Go read when you can, please.
Love always,
K.

The Giant Vacation: Day 1 of Doing Things.

Hello there, Zonk! I’ve already told you all about Part 1 of my Giant Vacation: i.e. the 13ish days of Seeing Things.

After that came the Day of Being Jet Lagged, the Day of Just Being, which was ill-advised, since it was followed immediately by the Day of Doing A Geography Project with my nephew.

Followed by the Night of Not Sleeping, which was frying as hell.

Today marks the beginning of Part 2. This bit is about Doing Things. And also just about emptying my skull and hanging my mind out to dry.

After a lot of weighing of things, I’ve figured I should spend the next several days doing blog work. On Bleak. Because each post needs a fuckload of time to make and I won’t have this sort of time again for a good while. Also because it’s something I can do on my own, at home, and it costs no money. I did a lot of fun maintenance and set up work today. Private-ed the Bleak tumblr blog, deleted posts from my Keyminor tumblr blog (yes that happened at some point in the last few years), changed the theme, styled it to look exactly like the Bleak one, and turned that into the final Bleak blog.

All of this because Tumblr won’t let you change your Primary Blog.

I also set up this Twitter account for it, and started using it with the app I work on for a living. Let’s see how long I keep that up :) Tomorrow, I put up the 2nd post. Next week, the 3rd. By which time I should have the 4th one ready. I start to work on it tonight.

I considered sharing on Facebook, but turns out I don’t have it in me to do that anymore. Which is sad, but oh well. Maybe I’ll come around to it someday.

Anyway, the plan is to have a few posts lined up by the time The Giant Vacation ends, so I can post once a week for a while, or once in 2 weeks at least.

Tomorrow starts bright and early. One hopes.

That’s all for now, Zonk. If you’re on Tumblr at all, please go follow Bleak or like the post or something. Or on Twitter if you’re not on Tumblr. It accomplishes nothing, I know, but it’s all I’ve got for now!

Love always,
K.

Ps. Now that I’m home for a good few days, I’ll probably be hanging out here all the time. See you tomorrow, I think :)

Notes from my first ever longish trip to anywhere at all.

Dear Zonk,
I didn’t blog at all while I was away, but here’s an unedited stream of things I thought at various points over the last 15 days.



Philadelphia
October 31st – November 4th

It’s cold here. Not a biting, bone-chilling cold, but a thrilling this-is-pretty-cool sort of cold. Philly is way colder than the coldest winter I’ve ever experienced and winter is not even here yet.

Si’s house is lovely. It’s large and warm and the floors are wooden and it has a charm all its own. Not at all like the bare bones decor-less dwelling I imagined he’d keep. He has things. Quite a lot of them. And everything is sweet and comfy.

This city is beautiful. The buildings aren’t all boxes. The Free Library is free for all and completely amazing. The roads are wide. The sidewalks are wide. The bike paths are wide. Every pavement slopes down to meet the road at the corners. If I lived in Philly I’d own a bike and I’d ride it everywhere.

These museums are inspiring. We used to make things once. What gave?

If we lived in Philly we’d meet at a park or sit on these steps and just hold hands and be. We’d walk everywhere. We’d cycle a lot. If we lived in Philly we’d do so much more.

There’s no food here though and it’s only 10 in the night. Americans eat early and Philly shuts down early as fuck. And also everything is non-vegetarian. And all the portions are massive. I’ve eaten only fries for too long now.

I love this pottery studio-shop-thing. I need to start a studio-shop-thing of my own someday.

People are nice.

I’ve saved a leaf that looks like Autumn. I’ll frame it when I’m home at some point, some day.



New York
November 4th – 8th

Holy shit we missed our bus.

Holy shit we missed our check-in time.

Holy shit we only get our keys at 7 now and we’ve got to ride the subway and a bus to Jersey City to get our keys and dump our stuff and come back to Manhattan and Shashank is waiting and we’re late and my birthday’s almost here but this day’s been so stressful and I’m beginning to freak out now a little and also what the fuck. This city is windy and fuck and I feel like I’m walking around in a freezer and do you think you can warm my hands up a little.

Cafe Wha is nice. This cover band is nice. Times Square at 12 o’clock feels new and exciting and different from every other birthday I’ve ever had so far.

I’m sorry I fucked up. I’ll try to be more in control now and less lost in my phone and less… flappable.

This city is insane. All tall buildings leaning up against each other in a hundred finishes and textures and trees everywhere and more buildings peeking out from behind them. It’s…something. I get it. I get it, but it’s not me.

This morning we are aimless a little. It’s afternoon and I’m freezing. The High Line is beautiful. I’m freezing worse now. But it’s worth it. And fuck everyone else all around us it took until today for me to remember that we are a whole small universe all our own and that no matter where I am, you are a whole entire person who’s all my own. And thank you for making this birthday so birthday and so special. How do you do it every single year?

This is who we are, you know. We are cup noodles and pajamas and cheap wine. We are giant t-shirts and rings that do not fit. We are comfy and we’re warm and to us we’re always home. And yes, of course I will. As though there was ever any doubt at all.

I’ve told them all now and nobody was surprised. Nobody. And this is going to be weird when we get back, isn’t it.

The 6th of November. I’m freezing and I’m feeling sick and can we please just go back to where it’s warm.

The 7th, at last. Dan tonight. Look he can sign this plectrum and then I can wear it later. And I should pick this up because you don’t get it at home and this because Rahul will like it and this because it has that one white plec and I can ask Dan to sign it and then I can get this holder and wear the signed pick around my neck. This is going to be epic.

This is my first good meal in this city! I’m learning to like chicken in more forms now I suppose.

I left all those fucking plectrums somewhere. Let’s go back.

It’s lost.

Let’s buy them all again and I think I don’t deserve it but look. Dan signed it. And holy shit it’s priceless now!



Orlando
November 8th – 11th

So this is what the TSA is like. They’re nice honestly, aren’t they. They’re cheerful and see how they’re putting that lady’s shoes back on for her. What made us think this would be hard?

What made us think we could walk around with these fucking backpacks until check-in time? Did I forget about my frail shoulders and my weak spine and the kilo I lost recently?  Next time, we check in somewhere with better timings. I swear.

HOLY SHIT I’M IN DIAGON ALLEY. This place is like magic. And the theme song is playing everywhere and there’s magical music in every shop and everything moves and creaks and look! I have a wand! I can cast spells! REPARO! Butterbeer is delicious and this is where you buy books for Hogwarts and this is the pet shop and here’s where you get fitted for robes.

I DIDN’T THINK THIS RIDE WOULD BE SO REAL. I didn’t think all of the rides would be so real. And this is the closest I will ever come to flying. I could live here forever and I’d die happy.

I NEED TO STOP TALKING TO MYSELF IN ALL CAPS. BUT I CAN’T THIS PLACE IS EPIC. THESE RIDES ARE CRAZY. THIS IS THE SCARIEST THING I’VE EVER SAT ON AND I FEEL SO FUCKING HARDCORE.

We’ll come back here one day and everything will be very different and also exactly the same.



New York
November 11th

 

We’re 3 hours early for a flight that’s 2 hours late. And there are no buses to Philly till tomorrow and what do we do now? Do we stay out all night? I can’t do it my teeth are chattering fuck you New York. You and your frigid windy weather. I’m wearing only one pair of pants tonight let’s go crash at a friend’s friend’s place. Well go back to Philly in the morning.



Philadelphia
November 12th – 13th

Oh man I love this city. It’s so fucking quiet and pretty and can’t I do a PhD. and live here also? I could do with classes 3 days a week and have brunches in the middle of the week and sidewalks that slop down into the street.

I almost don’t want to go home. But I also do. It’s been 2 weeks and for everything that’s nice about it, this country still has no bum showers. That’s really no way to live. So goodbye Si. We’ll miss you.

We’re early again and that’s a relief and our seats suck and the man next to me flew to Florida expressly to vote for Trump and he won’t shut up about it. I’m reading, can’t you see? Sheesh.



Mumbai
November 14th

I’ve slept okay this time around.

Isn’t it sad when you step out of the airport and realise your city smells of smoke?

Fuck it, though. It’s okay. I think that I’m happy to be home :)


 

Things I should have told you a long time ago. 

Dear Zonk,

There’s a lot I haven’t found the time to tell you about yet. Here’s a quick update:

  • I’m in Philadelphia. Tomorrow I head to New York, and four days after that, Orlando. 
  • This is my first long trip, my first time out of the country, my first birthday away from home, and my first time experiencing true cold weather. 
  • True cold weather is Cold. Philly is a beautiful city. If I could move my entire small pocket of people with me and live here, I would. 
  • I’m going to the Wizarding World and NASA in Orlando. 
  • My trip is 2 weeks long. But I have 2 weeks more off to chill. Not chill, exactly. But not work. Not design or copy work, at least. 

That’s all the time I have right now, Zonk. I leave now to go to a museum and then to a cafe where I get to paint on pottery. I feel so fucking hipster. 

Love always,

K.

Perspective.

Dear Zonk,

I met some old and very close friends today and marvelled at how far we’ve all travelled in so many different ways. One of us works with a celebrity sometimes, one’s grappling with the politics of bringing clean water to villages, one is a curator looking for her next gig, and one writes for a living.

And I realised that not all of us are making a fuckton of money. None of us are sure of where we’re going, and if we are then of whether we’ll actually end up there. And I realised that that is okay. There is a world outside of this small bubble that I’m living in where nobody cares about the next app release and it’s big and it’s foreign to me and it’s all wonderful.

There’s all sorts of people out there and I already know many of them. I just need to get out and meet them more. It’s healthy. And in my case, probably necessary.

Love always,
K.

PS. Sorry for being incoherent.
PPS. I’m moving Bleak to Tumblr now. As we speak :)