Changes.

Dear Zonk,

Some time ago I told you I had big things to tell you that I couldn’t say anything about yet.
Bigger things happened today that may or may not have jeopardized that first thing.

And I still can’t tell you anything at all.

I’m a little bit confused. I think I’ll try to sleep it off.

Keep your fingers crossed, Zonk, and hope that things work out.

Love always,
K.

Luminous (WIP)

Edited to add: Use headphones if you can.

A long time ago, I told you that I almost finished recording one complete song and that I’m thinking of maybe sharing the WIP version with you.

So, here you go.

Things you should know: This song is called Luminous. I’ve been sitting on it for over a year now. It was almost fully composed ages ago but it didn’t really come together till C collaborated on it. So far, only the two of us have worked on this track. I’ve composed the song (guitar and words), and I’m singing and playing it. C’s done the sound: i.e. the recording, production and putting-together-ing of the song. I’m going to figure out a better way to explain this later tonight.

Things you don’t really need to know but there’s no one here to stop me from going on: There’s a book by Nick Cave called the Death Of Bunny Munro. At some point in it, Bunny Jr., an anxious, earnest, too-old-for-his-age little boy is sitting alone in his dad’s car while his dad is busy getting it on with some woman or the other under the pretext of being a cosmetic salesman just days after his wife’s suicide. Bunny Jr. dozes off while reading  about Quasars. A quasar, according to his book, is the most luminous object in the universe. In Bunny’s dream, his mother puts a finger on his forehead and tells him – You are the most luminous object in the Universe.

The Most Luminous Object In The Universe.

The concept really stuck with me. And the word. And, therefore, this song.

I hope you like it, Zonk. And that we really finish it next week.

Luminous.

You’re careless and weird
You’re still finding your feet
It’s hard to be sure of how
And the road that you’re on
Is likely as wrong as
Right
And regretfully

You’re too old to be young
And too young to be real
You might well disappear.

But when you turn out the light
And just let it all slide
I’m here to be yours
And you
Are luminous.

And older you’ll grow
Still aching to know if
Time will reveal a Plan
With cause and effect and
Maps that make sense and
Stars that will all align

Too late to begin
All over again
You might well disappear

But when you turn out the light and
Let it all slide
I’m here to be yours
And you
Are luminous.

Vacation, flu and a bunch of other things

In the last one week, I’ve been to Bangalore for a gig, lived with both my nephews 24×7 for 7 days in a row, been to hospital to visit C who caught the Swine Flu, and therefore had several cups of hot green tea, washed my hands a million times and gargled at least thrice to ensure that I don’t catch it too.

I did not catch it. I am somewhat proud of my immune system for having fought it off. And also somewhat worried about developing a Lady Macbeth type OCD. Meanwhile, C has moved out of hospital and is almost safe to be around again. Almost.

In other news, things are beginning to look up around here. My sofa sort of broke recently and that means I cannot put off the next phase of the House Makeover Project much longer. Which in turn means that I get to spend a lot of time on Apartment Therapy while simultaneously feeling purposeful and productive. I’ve started to get carpenter quotes et cetera again. And I’m really wishing I felt rich enough to just go for it right away. But I don’t. Fucking carpentry. It’s ridiculous how expensive these things are.

And because I’ve neglected this place for so long (honestly, who let’s a sidebar fall off a blog and do nothing about it?), and because I did not come back yesterday for my second post like I promised, I will be coming back with another today.

In 5.

That’s all, Zonk.

See you in 5!

True things

  1. I am no longer as productive as I was when the year began. But I also am more satisfied than I’ve been in a while. Because I have been trying to move things along and honestly, it’s been a while since I did that.
  2. I can play my ukulele at home now even when my baby nephew is around. He sits on my lap when I take it out and strums while I hold the chords for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We both sing loudly and give ourselves a big round of applause and then he wanders away to play with magnets and so on and I get back to playing Dan. I have trained him well.
    Next week, guitar.
  3. I looked up from my screen at some point today and my vision blurred for a few seconds. I have no idea why. And it did not even freak me out. I’m fucking hardcore.
  4. My library membership expired yesterday.
  5. It’s been many days since I worked out. And months since I tried to take the 7.50 bus. I take the 8.10 bus even if I’m ready to leave by 7.40. I just cannot roll out of bed at 6:10 in the morning. I just cannot bring myself to leave the house when I could have a solid 20 minutes of Dave Matthews tutorial time and take the later bus instead.
  6. There’s ice cream in the freezer but I don’t feel like eating any. Which feels weird.
  7. You could have lived your whole life not knowing this. But now that you’re here, do check for Random Advice.

Love always,
K.

Just so you know

I made a thing. A brownie. In a mug. And I really though you ought to know about it. Because I fucking made something edible that didn’t come out of a packet. Even though it tasted too sweet and kind of one-dimensional. But hey. It’s still a giant step for mankind.

Goodnight, sleep light. You never know what may be lurking around in the darkness otherwise.

Love always,
K.

2015

Edit: All of these resolutions I have underway are only surviving because of my first resolution, which I forgot to mention. I am reading less this year.

Dear Zonk,

2015 is over two weeks old now, and I think it’s time I told you more about the many things I’ve decided to do this year and how I’ve fared so far. First, you should know that I’ve never before made so many serious resolutions. I suppose it had something to do with being young and dismissive and disrespectful of Time. Time sucks, you know. It fucking flies. You get years and years of being obscenely and undeniably Young. And then suddenly, before you know it, you’re making little tick marks in the “26 to 30″ box in surveys and questionnaires. It’s alarming when that happens. Because, you know, you were in college so recently and you’re so used to being young and that whole aging thing wasn’t supposed to actually happen to you…

But it does. And it would have been nice to have gotten a head start on this whole Making The Most Of Life thing. But I pretty much threw away my early twenties being lax and lazy. So, here I am now. 26 and reeking of regret.

I’ve been brooding over this for over a year now: I’m not happy with where I’ve ended up a quarter of a century into this whole business of Being. And I figured I should stop whining and do something about it while I’m still a long way off from becoming a fossil. So, here goes. These are my resolutions.

  1. Become a healthier person. I’m an old lady. I have old lady bones that creak and click and muscles that strain too easily and a faulty neck and so on. I suspect this has something to do with the fact that my diet for the last 26 years has consisted mostly of starch and sugar and salt. Thin people take food for granted. I’m like that. I also don’t exercise enough, in spite of making serious attempts at sticking to a regular 7 minute workout schedule. So I plan to change that this year. I also really, really, really want a low resting pulse rate. But well. That’s a long way off.So far: Meh. I did a 2 week chip cleanse. That went badly, seeing as I’ve been stuffing my face full of chips ever since. I’ve not managed to do much working out. I’m trying to fix it. I really want to hit the 4 days a week mark soon. Well. I’ll keep trying.
  2. Figure out what I want to do. Because this is not it. There’s got to be something more. And there’s got to be time to hone all the skills I used to possess. I had potential in more than one area, you know. Maybe somewhere, some of it exists still. I need to figure out how to get to it.So far:  I’ve actually done okay here. I’ve been talking to lots of different people and thinking of possibilities. It’s all still kind of vague now. But I have all my fingers crossed. And if something works out, I’ll go get a haircut. Just saying.
  3. Make more music. So, I have no delusions about this. I am a decent songwriter. Sadly, I am also a mediocre guitarist and not much of a singer. I have a thin voice and a surplus of stomach butterflies and it makes me nervous to think of playing or singing around people. But, here’s the thing. I just did a rough count in my head right now and I have at least 9 songs of my own that I’m moderately proud of. 9 decent songs. That’s not bad, Zonk, if you think about it. And there’s more that I’ve left unfinished and so on.So my resolution this year is to make more music. Write more songs. Practice all three of my instruments. And, most importantly, record bearable versions of at least half of my 9 songs. You know, so I have something to show for it. I don’t want much more than that. I just want to be able to point to something and say – “Look. I made this.”

    So far: I’m actually quite proud. I jammed with new people on one song. I sort of finished recording another with C (I just need to add some violin parts to it, though we all know that could take months to accomplish). I practiced both guitar and ukulele a lot in the last week. I actually dusted off and tuned my violin this week. And I’m pretty excited about finishing the song. I’m seriously considering putting a WIP version up here. Who knows. Maybe I will.

  4. Bleak Person Chronicles. Sigh. This is the still-secret other blog I was supposed to have started last year. It exists. But it’s still not ready to be put out there. I have a lot of work to do with setting up and designing the theme and with you know, writing actual fucking posts. Like more than 2 a year, perhaps. Anyway. I’m sharing the link with you. And the password. Because, Zonk, you of all people deserve to know about any blog I’m trying to do. And also because maybe if I’m accountable to someone, I’ll do more about actually getting this off the ground. Here goes. Don’t share:
    Username: A Person
    Password: thisisasecret10

That’s all, and that’s already too much. I think if I manage to do well on at least half of this, I will be a happier person this year.

Goodbye, Zonk. And a Happy Saturday to you.

Love always,
K.