True things

  1. I am no longer as productive as I was when the year began. But I also am more satisfied than I’ve been in a while. Because I have been trying to move things along and honestly, it’s been a while since I did that.
  2. I can play my ukulele at home now even when my baby nephew is around. He sits on my lap when I take it out and strums while I hold the chords for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. We both sing loudly and give ourselves a big round of applause and then he wanders away to play with magnets and so on and I get back to playing Dan. I have trained him well.
    Next week, guitar.
  3. I looked up from my screen at some point today and my vision blurred for a few seconds. I have no idea why. And it did not even freak me out. I’m fucking hardcore.
  4. My library membership expired yesterday.
  5. It’s been many days since I worked out. And months since I tried to take the 7.50 bus. I take the 8.10 bus even if I’m ready to leave by 7.40. I just cannot roll out of bed at 6:10 in the morning. I just cannot bring myself to leave the house when I could have a solid 20 minutes of Dave Matthews tutorial time and take the later bus instead.
  6. There’s ice cream in the freezer but I don’t feel like eating any. Which feels weird.
  7. You could have lived your whole life not knowing this. But now that you’re here, do check for Random Advice.

Love always,

Just so you know

I made a thing. A brownie. In a mug. And I really though you ought to know about it. Because I fucking made something edible that didn’t come out of a packet. Even though it tasted too sweet and kind of one-dimensional. But hey. It’s still a giant step for mankind.

Goodnight, sleep light. You never know what may be lurking around in the darkness otherwise.

Love always,


Edit: All of these resolutions I have underway are only surviving because of my first resolution, which I forgot to mention. I am reading less this year.

Dear Zonk,

2015 is over two weeks old now, and I think it’s time I told you more about the many things I’ve decided to do this year and how I’ve fared so far. First, you should know that I’ve never before made so many serious resolutions. I suppose it had something to do with being young and dismissive and disrespectful of Time. Time sucks, you know. It fucking flies. You get years and years of being obscenely and undeniably Young. And then suddenly, before you know it, you’re making little tick marks in the “26 to 30″ box in surveys and questionnaires. It’s alarming when that happens. Because, you know, you were in college so recently and you’re so used to being young and that whole aging thing wasn’t supposed to actually happen to you…

But it does. And it would have been nice to have gotten a head start on this whole Making The Most Of Life thing. But I pretty much threw away my early twenties being lax and lazy. So, here I am now. 26 and reeking of regret.

I’ve been brooding over this for over a year now: I’m not happy with where I’ve ended up a quarter of a century into this whole business of Being. And I figured I should stop whining and do something about it while I’m still a long way off from becoming a fossil. So, here goes. These are my resolutions.

  1. Become a healthier person. I’m an old lady. I have old lady bones that creak and click and muscles that strain too easily and a faulty neck and so on. I suspect this has something to do with the fact that my diet for the last 26 years has consisted mostly of starch and sugar and salt. Thin people take food for granted. I’m like that. I also don’t exercise enough, in spite of making serious attempts at sticking to a regular 7 minute workout schedule. So I plan to change that this year. I also really, really, really want a low resting pulse rate. But well. That’s a long way off.So far: Meh. I did a 2 week chip cleanse. That went badly, seeing as I’ve been stuffing my face full of chips ever since. I’ve not managed to do much working out. I’m trying to fix it. I really want to hit the 4 days a week mark soon. Well. I’ll keep trying.
  2. Figure out what I want to do. Because this is not it. There’s got to be something more. And there’s got to be time to hone all the skills I used to possess. I had potential in more than one area, you know. Maybe somewhere, some of it exists still. I need to figure out how to get to it.So far:  I’ve actually done okay here. I’ve been talking to lots of different people and thinking of possibilities. It’s all still kind of vague now. But I have all my fingers crossed. And if something works out, I’ll go get a haircut. Just saying.
  3. Make more music. So, I have no delusions about this. I am a decent songwriter. Sadly, I am also a mediocre guitarist and not much of a singer. I have a thin voice and a surplus of stomach butterflies and it makes me nervous to think of playing or singing around people. But, here’s the thing. I just did a rough count in my head right now and I have at least 9 songs of my own that I’m moderately proud of. 9 decent songs. That’s not bad, Zonk, if you think about it. And there’s more that I’ve left unfinished and so on.So my resolution this year is to make more music. Write more songs. Practice all three of my instruments. And, most importantly, record bearable versions of at least half of my 9 songs. You know, so I have something to show for it. I don’t want much more than that. I just want to be able to point to something and say – “Look. I made this.”

    So far: I’m actually quite proud. I jammed with new people on one song. I sort of finished recording another with C (I just need to add some violin parts to it, though we all know that could take months to accomplish). I practiced both guitar and ukulele a lot in the last week. I actually dusted off and tuned my violin this week. And I’m pretty excited about finishing the song. I’m seriously considering putting a WIP version up here. Who knows. Maybe I will.

  4. Bleak Person Chronicles. Sigh. This is the still-secret other blog I was supposed to have started last year. It exists. But it’s still not ready to be put out there. I have a lot of work to do with setting up and designing the theme and with you know, writing actual fucking posts. Like more than 2 a year, perhaps. Anyway. I’m sharing the link with you. And the password. Because, Zonk, you of all people deserve to know about any blog I’m trying to do. And also because maybe if I’m accountable to someone, I’ll do more about actually getting this off the ground. Here goes. Don’t share:
    Username: A Person
    Password: thisisasecret10

That’s all, and that’s already too much. I think if I manage to do well on at least half of this, I will be a happier person this year.

Goodbye, Zonk. And a Happy Saturday to you.

Love always,

Resolutions, of course.

Dear Zonk,
I have about five hundred resolutions for this year but fuck that. I’m here right now to tell you about only one of them. Its a bit strange, this resolution. Because there are probably several hundreds of people in the world who’ve resolved to do the exact opposite this year. Anyway. Here goes:

I will read lesser.

According to my Kobo stats, I’ve read 23 books between November 2013 and November 2014. There must be some accidental inclusions. Like books I marked read because I’ve read them previously. But then there are some exclusions. Like physical books I took out of the library. Either way, I’ve read about two books per month in an average. At least. And that would be okay if I’d done anything else at all with my free time, but I haven’t.

Here’s some stats my Kobo doesn’t record. I’ve made one new painting last year. I’ve written one new song. I’ve made two posts on a blog that was supposed to be my main side project. I’ve made no progress with my violin.

So, you see. Reading is just too easy. I need to do less of it. And I’ve already begun. I finished a book this morning and I had another one I could start. But I left it at home B-|
Fuck yea.

Love always,

PS. Happy new year! :)

Parties and plans and things.

Dear Zonk,

Today’s a day for making things happen. Or at least for setting wheels in motion. I’m in a state of flux. Something’s gotta give. And when it does, I want to be ready to move with the impact. The Universe works in mysterious ways.

In other news, my office Christmas party last night was fucking awesome. It was also curiously instructional. Here’s a list of things I learned from trying to organize this event:

  1. I’m not built for organizing events. I’m not built for organizing anything. I’m really not very organized at all.
  2. I’m not very good at parties. I mean, if you throw a party, I can attend. I can drink without getting drunk and be fun for a short while and so on. But if I have to throw you a party, it better be a sit-down-and-drink sort of scene. I mean, there’s free food and free alcohol and free music. That’s about as much as I can do. I shouldn’t have to tell you to form circles or  pull chits out of a hat or anything, because I don’t know about that stuff and also because you’re not 6 years old anymore. You’re old enough to decide what you want to do at a fucking party. I shouldn’t have to give you a schedule for it or anything.
  3. I should be the head of the decorating committee. It’s fun and it’s non-crucial.
  4. I can play ukulele after 3 drinks. This is quite an amazing discovery. I think my extra 2 kilos have really improved my capacity massively.
  5. Non drinkers must be terribly brave. Can you imagine standing in a room full of half strangers for 3 hours without a glass in your hand? *shudders*
  6. My office is awesome. It really, really is.

And now, nap time.

Love always,