Over the overwhelm.

Dear Zonk,

I’ve been overwhelmed. A project is ending. Another is beginning. I have violin class that intrudes on life once a week, that I’m somehow never prepared for, and gym – which I’m slowly growing accustomed to. Things aren’t yet charted out properly. And sometimes I don’t like that I’m doing them all alone.

I decided that I’d go out for drinks tonight, because I’d worked a double shift yesterday on two separate projects, and had a ton of work still left to do in the morning, and double violin class and gym besides. I thought I would be fried.

But turned out I earned it :) I woke up today, practiced violin for 1 hour straight after breakfast, played 1.5 hours in class, came home and made 8 small illustrations, and went to gym in the evening. The thing I worked on last night got approved, and everything is suddenly under control.

If only all days were like this one.

I’m sorry this post is all over the place. It’s late, and I’m sleep deprived and 2 beers down.

I think I’ll go read now. Goodnight, Zonk.

Love always,
K.

Silhouettes

Dear Zonk,

I’m tired as hell — but I don’t think I’ll sleep easily tonight. I’m lying here in bed and I can see two people in a balcony opposite mine. In the building where the rich people live.

I can’t tell if they are children or adults, male or female. I can’t tell if they are talking, fighting or in love, or both. They’ve gone now and left a light on in the balcony. I wonder if they’ve gone to sleep.

I wonder if they’ve ever seen me as a distant silhouette, while I water my plants or stand around in the window. I wonder if they’ve wondered these things about me too.

Tomorrow is going to be another long day. I should go now and try to sleep. Goodnight.

Love always,

K.

Pensieve

Dear Zonk,

I have not been at all on top of things lately. And I’ve started writing things down in a book. Somewhere out of sight of this blog. I want to try doing that for a while. Maybe a week. Or a month. I’m trying to figure if it actually helps to siphon off my thoughts once a day and to write down what needs doing, what I’ve done, and where I’ve failed.

I think I’d forgotten how nice it is to write with no edits. Just freeform and stream of consciousness, with no judgment or filtering at all. And I’ve decided that I ought to do this more.

I’m going to start by writing emails to Si – who I’ve begun to miss incredibly since he returned to Philly this time around. Once a week. Almost unfiltered. And definitely never judged.

Happy Thursday, Zonk. I hope this stupidest of manufactured occasions is not bringing you down today.

Love always,

K.

*pokes arm*

Dear Zonk,

My office has no AC right now and for the first time since winter began, it’s hot. Not in a nice way, either.

I’m not sure why I’m here, except to say that I’m bored and I don’t think I’ll get much work done today. It’s 5.17 PM. already, and here’s a list of things I’ve done so far:

• Had lunch
• Had 2 espressos
• Had a cold coffee that was too fucking sweet and far too unsettling
• Had 2 different gift ideas, and possibly abandoned both
• Looked at some work for a client who is not the client whose office I’m sitting in right now
• Gone for a walk in a verypretty little park nearby
• Sat on a pavement in said park till a mean, glittery mosquito-ey thing bit me and chased me away
• Considered going home
• Not gone home
• Reverted to working after all

Which only goes to show that you can never predict how your day will go.

I really like parks, Zonk. I should visit them more.

I guess I’ll go work now for a bit.

I hope your Monday’s being at least a little bit nice.
Love always,
K.

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Of plants and procrastinating.

Dear Zonk,

I’ve been useless at sticking to my rules and working on my goals lately. Which is terrible, considering we’re still in January. Some days I feel too unhappy to bother. Other days I’m too excited about things. I feel like that’s something worth looking into at some point, but not today.

Today I had a meeting with a client. My client is a plant person, and meeting her was so inspiring that I stopped working the minute she left and transplanted a bunch of my plants instead. This is the first time I’ve done that unsupervised, so I feel good about it!

And now the day has passed me by. I did get some work done while my client was here. Could I do more right now? Yes, I could. But will I? I doubt it. In half an hour, Niyati will be here, and we’ll play something. So really now, what’s the point?

I’ll work extra hard tomorrow to make up for this. And now I’ll go bounce off the walls. I wish I knew why I get so worked up sometimes. Maybe it’d help me avoid the crash that’s bound to follow. Oh well.

Love always,
K.

P.S. Pray for my aloe. It’s giant and was growing beautifully. I’ve transplanted it now. And I really hope it takes!

…

Dear Zonk,

I’ve realised something kinda sad recently.

I have no one to call.

I have many very close friends, but I have a texting relationship with all of them. And I like texting them — I don’t find it hard to communicate deeply or emote over Telegram. I’ve always been better at writing than at talking anyway, so more often than not, I actually prefer it.

But somedays you just need to leave your office and walk around outside and you have to seem like you’re doing that for a reason. Times like those, I used to call C and talk to him about everything that was bothering me, or tell very detailed and pointless stories. But we’re married now, and he’s right here, and I have no one to call.

*sigh*

I’d like to go home tonight and sleep very early and wake up late. I’d like to shut my face and turn out the lights and hang a sign on my head that says I’m done for the week. Closed for business. Out for a very long lunch. Gone fishing. And if the fishing gets boring or lonely at some point, I’d like to pick up my phone and call you and chatter away for a while about Life, the Universe, and Everything.

But we don’t do that so much, do we.

Oh well. I s’pose I will just text you instead.

Love always,
K.