Sometimes, when you look out and down from the 23rd floor, the rain seems to fall in slow motion.
In my office, there’s a patch of almost-grass that feels very real. And if you sit on it and work, nobody sees you.
Upstairs, there are beanbags, and beds. They brought our old guitar in today. And I sat there by the beanbags and played softly for about an hour and nobody noticed.
These are some of the things I like about life at where I am right now. These, and the view. The view is simply breathtaking.
There are also things I don’t like. But let’s not talk tonight about those. We speak so seldom anyway…
I swear someday I’ll change that.
I got home at 10.40 tonight. And packed. I leave for Bhopal at about 11pm tomorrow and I have a ton of work to get through before that. And after.
Change is stressful as hell. And I’m just not equipped to deal well with stress, or change. Things look brighter than usual tonight and I feel lighter. And a little bit woozy. Never very nice signs, these.
I wonder how other people get through these things, Zonk.And I wonder if it makes me a failed adult – the fact that I can’t.
Goodnight, Zonk. Sleep tight. Don’t let the darkness bite.
I’m sitting here on a beanbag in a room in my office. I’m busy not-really-working and listening to Clint Mansell, and it’s making all the devs coding around me seem really tragic.
I’ve popped back in to tell you that I’ve discovered the most amazingly therapeutic activity in the Universe.
I just semi-tidied my closet and rounded up a bunch of clothes I need to return to people. And then –
I ironed them.
I’ve never ironed much before, Zonk, on account of I believe clothes iron themselves out, given a chance. But I ironed today, and it was beautiful. It’s oddly soothing to iron slowly and watch the wrinkles smooth out. Best half hour of my whole day, I’d say. I’m going to iron things everyday now. Well. Every week, at least.
Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before?
I have things to tell you but those things must wait. And so I’ll tell you instead about two things that have made my sort-of-sad weekend a little bit happier.
- C got me a Totoro bracelet from Japan. It had 3 Totoros on it, and white and gold beads. Which is really not anything I’d ever wear. But Totoro is important, and so he got it for me anyway and told me to take it apart and DIY it. I took it apart, and Deepali put it back together with blacker beads on the train to Goa. I wore it all through the trip and lost it on my way home.
This was last week. I thought Totoro was gone forever. But today I finally sat down to unpack and there it was, at the bottom of the bag. It’d broken off and fallen in. How lucky is that :)
- I went shopping alone for – I think – the first time ever today. I got my mom a watch for her birthday. And then I wandered for a while and bought me a few things to cheer me up. It’s nice to wander around alone in a mall, Zonk. It made me feel anonymous. And like I could be anyone I chose to be for a few hours. Today I pretended I was A Girl Who Lives Alone And Has Her Shit Together Always.
I’ll be back, Zonk. We need to talk soon, you and I.
A friend pointed out to me recently, while we were in Goa, that I sleep a lot. And I wonder if it’s true.
I slept almost 7 hours last night but I’ve sleepwalked through today and I’m tired. If I could, I’d go to bed right now.
Maybe I am an anomaly. Maybe I need two extra hours in my day. Maybe there is a parallel universe somewhere where each day lasts 26 hours and I’m happier and healthier and more likely to go running in the morning.
In this Universe though, I have upped the number of coffees I have each day to 3.
Things are in a state of flux, Zonk. I don’t know how it’ll end.
Some days I’d like to dig a hole in the ground and stick my head in it. Move on, world. Change all you want. I just don’t want any part of it.